legal advice needed, I have never gone that far and am so distraught

[maminova]

Hi, have been married for 12 years, have two young dc. Have changed country to marry myhubby at the age of 18....first boyfriend, litterally fell in love and nothing else mattered at the time...I have gone through a lot in the past 12 years, starting with having to live with some in law who never liked me from the start...when they left i got pregnant with ds now 10 and when i gave birth, it was all about ds, the in laws got terribly involved in everything i did with him from the way i dressed him up to the food i made from him...well nothing was ever right...
Anyway this was made worse as dh was trying so hard to be the best father he could I guess as he had lost his dad at the age of ten...that included telling me how to breastfeed...From the moment, dh changed and became so controlling and grumpy...everything i did for ds was wrong...if he fell, vomited, etc he would give me nasty looks as if it was my fault...I put my foot down after 3 years when i couldnt take it anymore...he said he would change,...By the way, he has never been a very tactile person and is v serious, i am v sociable and like having a laugh...to cut the story short (well try) ds is very very difficult ( bad feeder, bad sleeper, bad temper...) but i feel it is because is v spoilt...his dad keeps undermining me in front of the kidsand his family constantly have things to say about my ways to raise my son, which make me feel really down...I work part time, self employed and have tried so hard to help dh as he puts all his behaviour to the stress from work,...despite gratitude, in laws feel sorry for their sons as he sometimes has to take dc to school before going to work or has to look after them as i work some but not all wek ends...i am never right and have never had a respectful attotude from hubby as he says he is not a v expressive person...
Now a few things show me he does not care about me and I am really thinking of leaving....i obviously want the kids, most importantly...the other question i have is: he owns our house as he bought it before we met. His mum( a very clever business women) has put some money in the house , the amount is actually stated on the deed...Where do i stand in terms of splitting
the assets? What if he is clever and transfers more power to his mum without me knowing? What are my legal rights? Sorry to be going on but i have gone through a lot lately...dh said leave me 6 months to change...would love to believe him and trust him as still want to stay...but does he also mean leave me time so i can sort out my finances? His mum is v good at that to protect her assets
Thanks for reading....

Your legal rights will be determined by the law of the country that you are in. The rules around divorce - finances, access to children, shared property, on-going maintenance etc - vary from country to country.

i am in england...

Are you in the UK, maminova? Or did you leave the UK to be with your DH?

Assuming you are in England or Wales, the information leaflets on the Rights of Women website will be helpful reading for you.

Essentially it doesn't matter that your name isn't on the deeds of the house, it is an asset of the marriage - at least that part not owned by his mother. You can take steps to prevent him from being able to transfer some/all of the property to her name but doing so will mean he is informed of your actions.

It is worth phoning some of the local family law practices in your area to see if they will do a free half hour consultation to help you build up an initial picture of your options and the process of separation.

Thanks... it wasn't clear. Then, as a married woman, you have certain rights and there are certain conventions. Any assets acquired during the marriage are jointly owned by both of you. As you have been married 12 years and brought up 2 DCs at the property, the house acquired prior to the marriage will also be deemed a marital asset and you have a claim on the equity. (If you had only been married a year or two and had no DCs, it would not be a strong claim) If his mother is a legally registered joint owner of the property that complicates it a little because her investment would have to be reimbursed (including any appreciation) out of the equity before any proceeds could be split. A solicitor would be able to advise properly.

Do you have full access to the family finances? Bank statements? Mortgage statements? Have you ever run a credit check on your name/home (such as Experian)? If you think that your husband and his mother would intentionally try to hide assets etc then information is key. If you don't have this information, you can still get legal advice and you can still start divorce proceedings.

Contact a solicitor and talk this through. It is a complex situation and you need to talk to a legal professional. You will get advice and support on MN but not the definitive answer you are looking for...

that is another issue, he never wanted to have a joint account, he does transfer some money into my account, this kills me...

From your OP I surmise that your DH is British and you aren't? Is there any possibility of you having to leave the country if you divorce (and possibly have to leave your kids behind)?

i have enquired regarding this..I am european, he is british...seems that i will be likely to bring the kids back with me....

Even if there's no joint account, do you know fully what comes into and goes out of his personal account?

As for 'bringing the kids back'... if you mean relocating with your DCs to your home country I think you'll find that's more difficult. Your DCs are entitled to have a strong relationship with both parents and that would be very difficult if you are in different countries. You'd have to find a way to resolve that between you.

And I agree with a PP that you must get professional legal advice as soon as possible. Even if you're undecided about divorce, you need information in order to be able to make intelligent decisions. A personal recommendation is usually the best way to find a solicitor but you can also find local Family Law specialists via the Law Society website.

So you need to see a solicitor and take action. Would you also speak to Women's Aid? He is abusing you both financially and emotionally I reckon.

can't seem to get through to women's aid...all solicitors cost s much! cant afford it right now....

thanks all for your advice

OP - there is a 'legal' section of MN; maybe you could ask on there? And do keep trying Womens aid

I assume from you NN that you are eastern European - do check and double check what is required for you to remove the dc from the UK and him.

Good luck

Not sure you can take the kids if they have British/dual nationality...there are a lot of stuck expats in that very boat as Dad needs to consentvthey can emigrate so you need to check that/get your head around it as v unlikely that your dp will consent. There is also a fb group of stuck expat patents who may be able to advise you further. Good Luck Xxx

Sorry, consent that/ expat parents. I need to go to speed typing school...

Please ask local law practices to see if anyone is willing to do a free half hour consultation.