Dont hate me for this please

[overalltheseplanets]

I am the bad one but I need help if anyone would be able to give some.

When I was 16 I met this girl online and I literally fell in love. She fell in love with me too. However I told her I was a boy but im actually a girl. She wasnt interested in me as a girl cos shes straight so I did the most selfish thing and pretended I was who she wanted. I carried this on for over a year and then told her. She was heart broken. She kept messaging me for a while and them messaged me once a year to see how I was.

That was 9 years ago and I thimk about her every single day. I added her on fb cos she told me to and we started a good friendship I think and then I actually went and met her! She lives 5000 miles from me but she was happy to meet me even after everything.

I need help to forgrt this girl although I dont think I ever will. Its an awful existence living without her.

This is a fairly awful deception that you perpetrated . However, it is in the past, but it is preventing you from moving on and meeting someone who wants to have a meaningful relationship with you, as a Woman.

No one has any quick fix formulae for mending a broken heart and I don't think you are going to find one on MNET.
You are deliberately banging your head against a brick wall. This is an utter waste of your valuable life.

I think you need to get on 'Plenty of fish ' etc, and find someone else and be more realistic. Once you have found someone else, your friend will become just a fond memory.
Or just sit round moping and wishing thinks were different, like someone with their foot nailed to the floor.

Personally, I think you are worth more, and life is short.

Thank you for your advice but I have a gf and I have had others since her, my problem is I keep thinking of her and its crippling me

I wouldn't advise you to go on a dating site to get over someone, it could make you want her more and it sounds like you're not ready to date anyway and I believe you wouldn't want to use someone in that way.

I think you face the reality of why she means so much to you after 9 years and one meeting. To me, it seems like she is a fantasy, she will always be perfect to you and that is fine but you can't let those feelings control your life and prevent you from having healthy, loving, real relationships.

I would block her from FB, stop looking at her and 'wean' yourself off her. It's hard but if you go no contact, it will get easier. You will find one day that you spend less time thinking of her. Break that tie.

I saw this happen a lot during my younger days when I played a popular online game. Unfortunately the whole relationship is based upon lies and there's no way it would ever work out. You need to know this.
I think you need to focus on your own issues and maybe why your so attached to someone you know you can't have?
Maybe cut all contact with her? The yearly messages might be preventing you from moving on.

I meant to say that I would suggest counselling to work out why your feelings are so strong and learn to cope with them.

I really don't think you are a bad person or did a bad thing at all. You were 16, hormones raging, you probably were questioning your sexuality and maybe hadn't come out as gay to those you cared for.

Please don't beat yourself up about it. You are not a bad person. The very title of your thread makes me think that you do need to learn to think of yourself and understand why you have these strong feelings of self-persecution.

I think youre all right, I need to cut contacts but she will never know why I am stopping talking to her

Be honest, tell her that you will be doing that. Then cut contact and stick to it.

I think I am a bad person and I think perhaps I feel guilty for trying to move on. I think like I dont deserve love and I feel as though I should be stuck in the past with her younger self

But I dont want her to be disappointed that I still feel that way, its even more deceitful