When do I explain I'm a SAHM due to DCs SN?

[DancingDays]

I'm just getting use to dating again. I have been set up on three dates by friends. All know I have 3 DC before.

First guy "so what do you do?"
Me "I'm a SAHM, I have three DCs"
First guy "awe that's nice, will you go back to work?"
Me " it's probably not possible. DD2 and DS have SN"
first guy "..."

Second guy "what do you do?"
Me "I use to be a X but I've now got three DCs so I'm a SAHM"
Second guy "you don't look like the sort that wants to stay at home all day"
me " I didn't plan it, but wouldn't change it"
Second guy then spends the rest of the date trying to work out why I am A SAHM. I spend the whole date dodging questions and feeling like a fraud not telling him about a huge part of my life.

Guy three
Before the date I explain that I have three DCs DD2 has Dyspraxia and Autism and DS has a aquired brain injury.
Guy three spends the whole date asking prepared questions about DCs conditions including wildly incorrect information and assumptions. He wasn't asking about my DCs but about their conditions. While I appreciate he tried to understand my situation it felt like a Q & A session.

I have tried before, during and not at all. All have felt completely uncomfortable and not the natural.

How have others successfully approached the subject?

Your answers sound great to me. If others don't understand, then they don't understand, and I don't think it's the timing of your information that will make the difference here. I think the answer in your script above "I didn't plan it, but wouldn't change it" really says everything they need to know.

Your life is the way it is because that's the way it is.

If you don't feel comfortable being quizzed, then say so, cut that line of conversation short, and open up another topic of conversation.

No sense in dodging questions and feeling like a fraud either -- you have much to be proud of! So there too, answer the questions you are comfortable answering, and cut off questions you don't want to tackle: "I don't want to go into the details. So, how about [that current event/other person's hobby/etc]"

Do these men have dcs themselves? I think if they did they would 'get it' more? Ultimately you're doing a great job and you don't have to justify yourself to anyone. I agree that your answers were great. Don't let it affect your confidence, people just haven't been in that situation and some can't empathise or understand as much as others. Good luck

I have a son with autism, and I would describe myself as a carer, not a sahm. Being a sahm is completely different from being a parent carer. A man might not be familiar with the term (I don't think I was before I became one), but if he is interested in you/your life, he'll want to know more about it.

I was already dating my now-DH when DS got his autism diagnosis, so it didn't come up as a big issue. We spent most of our dating time doing normal adult things, not focused on my DS at all. There is much more to you than your children or their conditions, a prospective partner should be interested in you as a person not what status you have. DH doesn't have dc of his own, and I think he probably didn't 'get it' as quickly as someone who does, but he made an effort to understand, he never judged, and that's what mattered.