DH a workaholic/depressed and has left me

[Cassawoof]

My DH left me about 5 months ago, doesn't want to reconcile etc etc. however, he has been working extremely hard for a year, is depressed and ill, a workaholic, his brother is getting a divorce in same year, possibly mid-life crisis etc. all of these things increase the likelihood of divorce. Does anyone have any experience of someone getting through depression / work issues etc and realising life at home wasn't so bad after all?

I am (trying to) move on and know that I have to whether or not he sorts himself out, and to give up hope he will come back. Some days I'm doing better than others. But any advice/experiences Mumsnet?

Sorry your going through this Cassa. Horrible time. What was happening between the two of you before he left?
Did he say why he left?

Oh it's not looking good, we've grown apart, his job has got harder, longer hours, more stressful, wasn't home much and when he was was tired, I was also working part-time, bringing up 2 DCs, housework, running all the house admin and so negative and unhappy. Just didn't make any time for us and didn't realise how bad it was till he said he wasn't happy and it was me, and he didn't love me anymore.

I suppose I'm clutching at straws, but he has had a hell of a year and I've seen him crying which is very unlike him and still under pressure at work. He's not himself. And I've looked into depression/burn out/high stress jobs etc. and it sounds like him - only being able to see the negative etc. (and there were negatives I know) and focusing on that.

I know even if this is the case, he's unlikely come back.

Poor you. This can happen when your at this stage with full on lives, kids etc. Has he actually said he has depression at any time though.
Just to throw it out there, do you think he has had his head turned by another woman?

I've been through that and come out the other side now.

Difference was, DH loved his job and has always loved us and knew his work was being subsidised by me doing everything at home.

I was so fed up of the long hours and weekends and felt trapped at home and not being able to return to work.

The turnaround has come because of his guilt when his dad died. He realised how little he saw him and how me sorting out carers (when I couldn't cope anymore) and then pushing them to consider a home (dad had rapidly deteriorating dementia) meant that he didn't need to change his work habits.

Now he's feeling horrible drepressed and guilty as it was history repeating itself (his mum died due to drawn out illness and he wasn't about much). He's on anti D's and waiting for crus to call back to do the assessment.

In the meantime, his days during the week are shorter and he no longer does weekend overtime. I think a big motivator for work was to try to impress his dad. When his dad died, that need wasn't there anymore and he suddenly realised the effects of what he'd been doing.