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Relationships

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Ambivalence in a relationship - does is mean it's dead in the water?

1 reply

Outtaideas · 28/01/2015 13:29

7 months into a new relationship that started a year after I agreed to split from STBXH.

New DP is lovely – we have lots in common, shared interests, good circle of friends, we make each other laugh and have similar outlook on life. DC’s from both our previous relationships get along great (on the occasions that they’ve met, we’ve not gotten them too over involved which each other). In the period we’ve been dating we’ve both had various super stressful things happen - the kind of stuff that you’d not really want to deal with when in the throes of a new relationship (redundancy, health prpblems, elderly parent issues) but we’ve supported each other through and come out the other side .

We’ve just reached a point where life is back on an even keel with the various stressful events behind us/in abeyance and I have had a little more time to catch up with old friends, get back to hobbies and evenings and weekends have ceased to be filled with paperwork, stress etc. I realise that I no longer feel butterflies about seeing DP, I look forward to seeing him but am not overly bothered if we can’t get together one eve or weekend and am sort of looking forward to an upcoming week away he has with his DC’s as I’ll have a proper chunk of time without having to factor in another adult.

He’s saying how much he’ll miss me that week, how he’s never felt like this about anyone, has asked (jokingly) a couple of times if getting married again is something I’d like to do one day….I just feel kind of ambivalent, I adore him, I like having a relationship with him but If it ended I’d be sad but not devastated, I’d be fine with being single. I have a busy active life and having a relationship is lovely but it’s not something I feel is essential to me.

Should I be running for the hills, is is normal to have a moment of wobbly ambivelance? Am I just not that into him?

OP posts:
shovetheholly · 28/01/2015 13:40

I don't know, OP. To be honest, it sounds quite normal to me that you progress from the lust and excitement of the first phase into something more comfortable and settled. It sounds to me like you have an enviably healthy balance between your relationship and your friends and other interests, and an admirable degree of independence and comfort in your own skin to the point that you can take or leave a relationship. To mourn for not being in a state of complete emotional dependence on your partner, when you are richer the way you are would seem foolhardy. To rush into marriage would be equally silly.

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