Friend thinks she can be nasty to me and that I'll still speak to her

[venetiagrace]

DD1 is 8, in year 3 at school. A friend has a DD in the same year. For the past few months, there have been some low level incidences at school of this woman's DD being unpleasant to my DD. Nothing major, but just a bit of nastiness. Friend's DD is a bit of a drama queen and falls out with other children regularly.

Last Friday, during the day at school a note was put into her DD's schoolbag with a bit of unpleasant stuff on it; just things like "I don't like you, you're horrible".

The first that I knew of it was Friday evening when my friend phoned me and was very angry and rude to me on the phone. Her DD had said to her that my DD had put the note in her bag. She shouted that I needed to sort my child out, and that she was going to take it as far as she could possibly take it! I said I'd speak to DD and get back to her but she said "Don't bother" and slammed the phone down on me. DD vehemently denied doing anything.

She also sent a couple of horrible texts to me about it at the weekend, basically calling my DD all the names under the sun and saying that she wouldn't let it rest.

Fast forward to Monday, she went into the school about it and apparently another child confessed to the teacher and said that it was them who left the note. DD had nothing to do with it. I know this because I spoke to the teacher myself after school on Monday as I wanted to get to the bottom of things and didn't want it being a witch hunt after my DD.

Friend then phoned me on Monday evening, with a very brief but seemingly unsincere apology. Just a laugh and a "Sorry about that, DD said it was your DD". She said it as if it was just something minor like she'd just trod on my toe in a shop or something like that. I said that I was upset about how she dealt with things and she then said that I was being silly, we all make mistakes and that she'd apologised and that that was the end of it! I said that yes, we all make mistakes but that she spoke to me really nastily and had made me cry. She again just laughed it off.

I really feel like I don't want to have much to do with her anymore. She has started carrying on as though nothing has happened; sending me texts and wanting to chat at the gates but I just can't carry on with the friendship. She's not a close friend BTW and I've only known her for a few years (we met via the kids at school pick up/parties).

Blank her.

Tell your real mates why.

Delete this low-rent chav from your life. Be civil and that is it.

Even if your DD HAD sent that note her reaction was awful. I would ditch her.

She's not a friend, but she is a bully. I agree with pp, as you just don't need this kind of behaviour in your lives.

Do not engage.

Distance yourself from her, it will only go downhill from here.

Be civil but nothing more. If she asks you to go and do stuff, agree in principle but always pull out at a later stage (ideally not right beforehand as that would be a bit rubbish).

Don't engage if you can help it.

Ugh. YANBU (I know this isn't AIBU but still, you aren't!)
I feel sorry for her DD, growing up with that.

....and to make a sweeping generalisation, you get an idea why her child can be nasty.

Blank her, it's not worth all of that each time someone upsets her DD.

Ignore. I bet she has form for this.

Not a friend.

Steer clear. No big drama. Just cut contact to the bare minimum and be very busy when near the school gates.

I don't think you can ever be desperate enough for 'friends' like that. Like previous posters have said, don't engage, blank her. She'll soon get the message. If you can block her number, do so.

I'd keep my dd away from hers.

Second what expat said.

I personally would have nothing more to do with this woman. She is not a friend.

Thank you everyone.

I just feel so upset about it. I'm not great at confrontation at the best of times and hate any bad feeling or atmospheres. She's brought it all on herself though. If she had apologised sincerely and been mortified about her error then perhaps I'd be a bit less upset, but she was just so incredibly blase about it all.

I'd keep away. Minimal contact, be civil. Ignore calls, text if communication necessary.

She ought to wonder why a child wrote that note to her dd in the first place.

And I'd show the school the name calling texts she sent about your dd.

I'd just discreetly distance yourself. No drama, just cool it all off politely. She will know exactly why but you don't need any kind of showdown on top of all of this.

I would have felt exactly the same way as you, btw.

Continue to ignore her, don't reply to texts or calls and if she collars you at school reply; 'no, I don't want to meet you for coffee/ tea/ wine etc' and walk away.

Probably not the first time she's massively overreacted, op. If she acts like it should all be fine now, it's because that's what she wants to believe. She can't act otherwise because she'd have to acknowledge to herself that she behaved really poorly and deserves to face consequences.

Be polite but that's all. I wouldn't bother having it out with her - people like that are not worth it.

God I had one of these friends. I knew she was a bit OTT about her kids but this is how she turned.

Stay the hell away and rest assured it's definitely NOT you, but her.

Tell her to sling it. Jog on. Don't need nobs like that in life.

You will also be showing you're daughter that you have a limit to how much shit you will put up. Cheeky bitch she is.

What everyone else has said. Don't get sucked back into a "friendship" with her again. You know that there'll be another incident in the future, and then another... No need for confrontation, just keep responses to a minimum face to face, and ignore texts/phonecalls. She'll get the message, she'll never realise that she's at fault though - don't hold your breath for that.