My DH had an affair 5 months after we got married, during a period of depression, with our mutual close friend. She sang at our wedding. The A began at our housewarming (the second anniversary of which was Sunday) and carried on for 3 weeks. They didn't have sex but did other stuff. He left me in the midst of this, did ILYBINILWY script. I turned to her for support not knowing-she even offered to move in with me. I had never been in more pain in my life knowing that two people I loved and trusted did this to me. There are still no wedding photos in my house.
Two years later and I'm 37 weeks pregnant with our first child. Ironically due on the day he told me. Our relationship is better than it was before but it took real, true remorse and self examination from him and taking responsibility for his behaviour and shitty boundaries and coping. If I could go back in time the thing I'd do differently is throw him out instantly. I was kind of in shock, even told them both I forgave them. I didn't, I never will and he knows it. He never, ever gets another chance. I have complete access to everything, all his emails etc.
It's been the hardest thing I've ever done. I stayed because I love him and after the fog had lifted from him, which took a few weeks, the full horror of what he did hit him too and he was intensely remorseful and has been trying to make it up to me ever since. Initially he was quite self pitying and sometimes couldn't cope with the shame which shut me down when I needed to talk. We briefly had counselling which helped with that. I know it's been hard for him too, to stay, comfort and take my anger and hurt, being the person that caused me such pain when his natural reaction is to run away. He holds me through it and reassures me when, still, 2 years later, I feel floored by grief of what happened.
Our relationship is less innocent than it was. But more open, deeper and respectful. He hates what he did, hates how it has affected me and sometimes he is floored by grief too (our first dance song was our song since we were teens- it means nothing to me now, she watched us dance, and that kills him) but we're there for each other, and very much in love. But its hard. I try not to let a month destroy the years we had, and have ahead.