Finally leaving DP - having major wobbles - need to hear from people who have made the break and never looked back, please..

[Runbayou]

Hi,

I'm not a regular MN'er anymore, but really need a bit of support, if you don't mind!
Today I went to the estate agents and paid several hundreds of pounds to secure the tenancy on a teeny tiny townhouse, the keys for which I get tomorrow.
On Saturday, we have to tell the children that we're splitting up.
All of this is at my instigation, but now it's about to happen I'm having seriously cold feet, despite knowing it's the right thing to do, and spending many years plucking up the courage to do this.
I did just manage to find one of my old posts (posting under a previous nickname) which is slightly depressing when I realise it was written in 2008:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a621985-if-your-relationship-hits-rock-bottom-is-separation-inevitable-is

This must mean it's the right decision, yes?

Agh.

Thank you xx

Only you can decide if it's the right decision, have the dc got any idea what's about to happen?
One day at a time. ....

Major step towards freedom there, OP! Of course you feel nervous and jittery - it is a huge change - but think what it'll be like not to have the arguments and the controlling behaviour in your life.

When I made a similar move I was terrified, but it was the best thing I ever did! Life without arguments and tension - bliss!

Facing the unknown can be scary but you have to trust your gut feeling on this one and then just go for it wherever that intuition guides you to!
I did that donkeys years ago and have never looked back ( maybe yes in the first six months of leaving him because it was tough at first! )
I am so much happier now and I am so glad I left. It takes time and then you realise how far you have come and it feels great!
I wish you the best! x

I just read your old thread.

If you felt like that seven years ago my love, then you've given it a bloody good go to last this long!

What are you going to do if you don't leave now? Have another seven years of feeling like that, just limping along.

Do it and don't look back! it's best for you and I'm sure it's best for him too and you'll both come to see that further down the line.

You get one life and it's not very long in the grand scheme of things.You've wasted quite enough years already on a marriage in which you have never really been happy, don't waste any more.

I left mine a few years back now, and yes it's scary begin with but it's the best thing I ever did and I've never looked back.

Sorry about the typo

You've wasted quite enough years ....

It's scary but once you've crossed that line you can look back and feel glad that you made the right decision. A few years after I split from my ex I happened to encounter him in a wee village. He was just doing exactly the same as he always did, can of beer in hand, fag in other, not exploring the wonderful world outside his door. We exchanged pleasantries and as I walked away I was glad I had moved on in my life.

I think you have given this relationship the best possible chance. I respect you massively for that.

Try not to panic too much. You have done the hard part already. Brilliant things await you.

Crikey, you have no idea how good it is to hear all this. After spending twenty minutes half-heartedly putting random, un-useful objects in the car whilst he was out, I went for a run and am now drinking gin. We have also had some good, amicable conversations (it's all amicable, which only makes this even more heart-wrenching!). So have agreed to get keys tomorrow, tell kids on Friday, and then gradually move my stuff out. Feeling more positive, and re-reading my old posts has really provided the stark reminder I needed. Everyone needs to be loved and cherished - not just me, but him, too. Dammit. This gin has gone straight to my head xxx

Congratulations, OP. Life is too short to live in a loveless relationship and I say that as someone who unusually never found another relationship after I split from my dd's father a lifetime ago, but no regrets whatsoever.

Well - I have the keys to my new house. Bloody hell.
DP has even helped me move furniture in and has had a cup of coffee. Seems surprisingly calm and ok..
He did have a moment where, in the lounge, he told me where the table would fit/how to have chairs etc and I just looked at him and laughed - it's my house.. I don't have to listen to you any more.
Telling the kids on Friday, but so far, all I'm feeling is optimism and relief.
Xxx

In the words of Jane Fonda "It's never too late to start over, Never too late to be happy".

My feeling is that, ultimately, it's not the mistakes you make or the wrong decisions you will end up regretting.... it's all the opportunities you pass up . Sound like you've taken the opportunity. Any big change is tough at first, and there are bound to be challenges, but you I don't think you'll regret it.