Loud Sex...Do you care what the neighbours think?

[DidThatSeriouslyJustHappen]

So me and my gf (yes, same sex relationship, just to avoid any confusion) live in a semi-detached house and the walls apparently are really really thin. Our last house was a semi, but the walls seemed much thicker, so we never had to worry about being quiet when we were getting intimate (when my dd was away anyway)

In this house, I can hear pretty much every conversation our neighbour is having, so there's absolutely no reason it isn't the same for her.

Now, in the thrills of passion, the last thing you want to be worrying about is keeping down the noise, but then when you have kids, you get used to it I suppose. This house has 3 floors though and my dd is on a separate floor to us, so that side of things isn't really a problem. So we should be free to just let go and be free to be fairly loud (to an extent obviously), but as I say, not with these seemingly, paper thin walls

My dp and I have different ideas of keeping it down. Well, basically she just doesn't and I try to, because I know the neighbour must hear everything I see her every morning when I take my dd to school, (our dc's don't go to the same school though) whereas my dp never has to see her at all, so she really doesn't feel embarrassed or uncomfortable.

Don't get me wrong, I like hearing how much my dp is enjoying it, but I really feel like I might need to say something.......again. I already did once before, but I don't think she realises how embarrassed I am. Should I be?

So what would you do? Should I ask her again? Would that be really offensive or upsetting?

I'm just getting more and more embarrassed every time I see our neighbour and sometimes during sex, I can't let go and relax, because I know that she can hear everything! I don't want it to turn into a thing iyswim, but I don't want to upset my dp either.

Advice please

Very selfish to be a screamer IMO when you have neighbours in close proximity.

DW and I live in a detached so we can be as loud as we want, but previously we always took care to keep it down when the neighbours were in.

Our old neighbour used to be extremely noisy during sex (most nights) and at 2am with a new born hearing her screeching and the headboard banging it got a little tiresome, nor do I want to hear in explicit detail the ins and outs of every move.

Common sense no, you know the walls are paper thin so do the right thing, not everyone wants to hear your cries of passion, or put music on, your partner sounds like she's not giving a shit anyway.

For goodness sake, how is being noisy whilst having sex immature?! What a ridiculous comment. She's 100% not immature.

It's not porno style! She's not showing off. She's just loud.

Duct tape??

Well you said it op. You said the neighbour started coughing - you think 'suggestively' - so you got the hint, you said it sounded like she was in the same room, but your DP thought it was funny and carried on at the same volume.

Can we agree on 'she doesn't care about your neighbour' then?

"For goodness sake, how is being noisy whilst having sex immature?! What a ridiculous comment. She's 100% not immature.

It's not porno style! She's not showing off. She's just loud."

Because if she is carrying on being loud despite your concerns or protests with absolute zero consideration to your neighbors then yes it is being immature as well as being selfish.

And I don't really buy the whole 'you cant control the noises you make while climaxing' excuse either. Listening to others have sex in the room nextdoor was vaguely amusing the first time you heard it when you were a teenager, after that when you have to be up early for work and the inconsiderate exhibitionist in the adjacent room is ensuring you are only going to get a few hours quality sleep it is fucking annoying.

We spoke about the 'suggestive' coughing the next morning and she said that she didn't think of it as being a sign, or signal for us to shut up! She thought that it was either an unfortunate coincidence, or at worst done in jest, not out of real annoyance or anger.

Now, actually there's a reason I'm trying to deal with this extra sensitively. My dp is gay, but was in a couple of very unhappy straight relationships before me and never enjoyed sex before. This has caused her a lot of trauma. If I ever make an issue regarding sex, she can't relax and finds it almost impossible to switch off and go with the flow. It's very complicated and wouldn't expect anyone else to understand really. I worry that if I say to her that she really needs to be quieter, that she'll then worry about things too much and will get how she used to get, ie freeze and get really self conscious. For the first time she's feeling sexually liberated and is actually really enjoying sex (not bigging myself up here btw )

Just put a bloody radio on, problem solved.

I don't see why she can't enjoy it a bit more quietly.

After several months of almost nightly loud porn-y sex from our upstairs neighbours, I finally wrote them a note -- cordial, neighbourly, but not mincing my words in terms of laying out the problem and the solution I wanted. Half an hour after I posted it through their door, the woman came and knocked on our door, looking utterly embarrassed and apologetic, with a bottle of wine as an apology gift. She was very nice about the whole thing, and promised to keep it down. Ever since, they have continued to have sex (we hear the occasional creaking bedsprings) but the vocal histrionics have stopped. I guess the point is, people CAN help it, if prompted to do so.

No excuses for it as far as I'm concerned.

Billions of couples since the dawn of time have enjoyed sex quietly in multi generational homes, even in the same room (not that I'm advocating that!).

Here's an idea: talk to her.

'DP, the walls on this house are so thin I can here the neighbour breathing. It's making me worried she can hear us when we make love. Do you think we should try to be a bit quieter even though we are having such fun?'

Surely she can't be offended by that? If you say 'we' rather than 'you' it's a joint difficulty and you can have a giggle about 'doing it' quietly.

If not, move. Not that great for a neighbour to listen to and frankly who wants to know that she's telling all her mates about the noisy lesbians next door, because she will.

Pillow? I am generally embarrassed (re neighbours, house mates etc) as naturally quite loud...I just hold a pillow over my own face? It means who you're with might not always be able to see you, but oh well...
I think if I was trying to be quiet and they could see my face they'd think I was shitting or something. It'd be a pained grimace to attempt to be significantly quieter (well, easy enough on a bad day I suppose).

Well I've heard then so they don't care what they think,so if loud shagging is good enough for them (her in particular) well it's good enough for us.
I'm a natural screamer anyway.

*I think not they

I find it really really hard to be quiet so I bite/scream into a pillow.

Problem solved.

I don't mind neighbours hearing the bed squeak or low level noises but I like to be considerate, especially of the children living here. I haven't heard my neighbours have sex so I assume they can't hear me either but I still like to be on the safe side.