How do I make a decision and stick to it?

[DubbyDubby]

I posted a little while back after my boyfriend told me he'd been texting another woman, but had knocked it on the head when she suggested meeting up. He told me at a time he was angry with me - to hurt me I guess. I was completely shocked.

This was before xmas and we are still together. We only see each other at weekends due to out work patterns and while the weekends are okay, mid week I am a mess. I feel
completely paranoid, insecure, panicky.. I get gripped with fear that he is lying to me about not meeting her and it builds up and up until I am consumed with it and in that moment I just want to end the relationship and ease the pain/fear. I've 'ended it' several times now. and then regretted it, and then ended it again.. etc etc. I feel caught in a loop, but we can't go on like this

He went out with work at the weekend. Usually he would text on his way home but he didn't. I woke up in the middle of the night and then couldn't sleep after that - just my mind churning with images of him with another woman and completely caught up with the terror of it. I spent yesterday accusing him of stuff and screaming down the phone at home. I never used to feel like this with him, let alone behave like this. When I'm with him I believe he is telling me the truth but I can't seem to get it to stick for more than a day after the weekend. Is this a protective function against further hurt?

I don't know what to do any more, what I want, or how to make a decision. I just keep flip flipping back and forth.

Possibly. Generally speaking liars don't like to admit they have lied. Either way, what would be your ideal resolution? Obviously to believe he hasn't cheated, is that possible? Do you ever see you being able to rebuild your trust?

Try and be objective and see if you truly believe there is a way round this for you both.

I suppose when I think objectively then yes it could be possible. I struggle to maintain that when Im feeling hurt and scared though.

It concerns me a little that you soundlike you wwant to believe that he made this up so that you can get past it.

Tbh, if it's true, he's an unfaithful liar who betrayed your trust.

If he made it up, he's trying to controlyou by being a bit of a headfuck.

I'm nit sure either outcome is any better than the other!

Thanks FolkGirl - I thought I might be coming across as thinking that. I'm not, don't worry. Besides, I know that for someone to lie so extensively just to control and hurt me is no better (perhaps worse?). I was just gobsmacked at the 'possibility' of it earlier.

Sorry for putting that possibility out there it's purely going off personal experience and from what you said about him deleting the number, not having seen the message but him telling you anyway, the deliberate no text the first time you asked him to and the fact that you yourself think things don't quite add up. It was just another possibility.

Truthfully I think you need an honest sit down. Lay it out, tell him you're not even sure you believe him. Tell him what you expect and what's a deal breaker and stick to it. Stop making allowances for shitty excuses. IMHO the more you let things slide the worse this is going to get.

Either way he's betrayed you. If you want to try and move past it you need to try and re-establish your trust. If you can't do that there is no relationship. You will remain in this constant limbo.

Truthfully I'm not sure you can recover your relationship you thought you had. You've already started to change who and how you are and in my experience there is no recovery from that until you decide you're worth more and that would mean dropping his deceitful ass.

Hope you're ok.