I should name change really but here goes.
Just wondering really? DH and I have been married for 10 years, and have DCs. He's a brilliant father and husband, there's nothing really wrong on the face of it. He's attentive, helpful and supportive.
We married young because I was pregnant, I think in all honesty had that not happened we would have gone our separate ways, we're not hugely compatible. We've had some rough times in the past, mostly to do with being young parents. He used to drink a lot and stay out all night and sleep off hangovers all day. In the last year that has gotten much better though. The intimacy in our relationship wasn't good after first DC and has been up and down since then. I know DH really struggles with this and every now and again it builds to the point where he's obviously upset all the time and I try to work on being more affectionate but slip back to platonic friends setting. I don't know why, but I'm not attracted to him any more. We used to have sex a few times a week, now it's every 2 months. And that's because I'm never in the mood.
He has been quite controlling in the past, I gave up my dream career to support his career, which has now really taken off. I am still a bit bitter about that. We moved for his work and I lost my support network. I've been a SAHM for 4 years but have finally got back onto the career ladder and a good group of friends. He recently got very upset because I'm out too much.
There was a moment 2 weeks ago when I realised we were in real trouble though. Every now again he goes on stag dos (although becoming less frequent as our friends marry off) and they usually involved strippers hired to deal cards or serve drinks topless. He has always maintained that he's really not interested, he's just going because the group is going etc etc. It used to really upset me, I felt livid when I found out the first time (he kept it from me to spare my feelings, I was heavily pregnant). Subsequent times I would be eaten up by jealousy and insecurity when he was going a stag do. But recently he was going on the stag do of a close friend, and actually offered to meet his friends after the stripper part was over because he would rather do that than upset me, but I felt indifferent about it for the first time. I told him just to go because I'm fine with it. I asked him for some of the details, and he was open about it, I wasn't even remotely annoyed by it. The indifference is a big problem isn't it?
DH said yesterday that he'd noticed things had become worse over the last few months. I said he deserves to meet someone who can give him what he needs and deserves but he said he's not ready to through in the towel. I desperately don't want to hurt him or the kids and I'm not sure how we would cope financially if we split (I'm studying) but I can't see a way back. I feel a total bitch for saying this, but perhaps we were never madly in love in the first place and the relationship has run its course?