Advice needed.
My H and I have been married for 7 years. He came over to the UK to school/work and I joined him 2 years later. We both have a boy (3) ands girl (6). We met 14years ago, as students and from a christian family and attend church. Early last year, I noticed my H was changing~was conscious of his looks, coming home late, strands of hair at home, condom in wallet, having dinners with colleagues, not picking up his phone, his phone always on silent so i don't hear when it rings, spending night at work to mark (he lectures), going for shows (has never done this before) and not having interest in the family. He gave several excuses ~ he tells me he is working hard for us so we become british citizens and we should be grateful. Most days, i feel bad and want to give him all the support. He doesnt have anything to do with the kids except for paying house rent, gas/electric bill and also £45 weekly for feeding/house upkeep. I am a graduate and am trying to look for a job here to support but it has been difficult getting one that suits my qualification. i currently work as a carer to be able to support him. i do pay council tax, support kids needs/groceries/bus pass. He doesnt see my work as a job. He criticises me for not doing anything of worth and that my mates have done better in life. i have denied myself lots of pleasures/opportunities to work around the kids but he never appreciates it. He gives me a very cold shoulder and am a very lonely migrant. My only and closest relative is far away. He doesnt concern himself with my kids. He has only been to their school once to pick up my D. He never goes to the shop to get even milk. i do all the shopping and school runs and he cant be bothered by home work or anything. He doesnt see any reason why we should buy a car....I have to get the bus always..He has never taken my kids out even when they ask him. I try my best to help him save but he keeps telling me our financial state is no good.
I told his family about the possibility of an affair and I was dismissed as he was a perfect christian and can do no such thing. His mum said he's like his dad and that I should not complain as marriage is not a bed of roses.
I confided in a male colleague of mine about these signs and he said he was sure my H was having an affair. He offered to cheer me up and started exchanging messages. He tried to help build my self-esteem/confidence and would say nasty words about my H whenever I tell him of my H 'lies'... My H saw the message and was mad and contacted my colleague and asked him never to talk to me. i have since stopped talking to this colleague to please my H as he said my colleague was grooming me for sex.
We have since been having arguments, shouting and sometimes it gets physical. I call the police once but I couldnt bear to stain him. Back home, i would be frowned at as he brought me to the UK to have a 'good life'.
Recently, i started digging into his account for information and found out that he has been cheating on me for 10months now with a colleague. I asked him about it and he flared up as to where i got my information from and why i accessed his account. He asked me to delete my copy as they are his personal files. He got physical. He stopped talking to me, became distant, no remorse and stopped eating.
I then contacted the lady as he was now talking to her in my prescence! she didnt pick up her call. I sent her a message letting her know that we are married and i want the happiness of my kids. She in turn contacted him.He became very furious and said I have destroyed his reputation. the lady replied me three days later and said she never knew he was married and that it is all over. Apparently, no one knew he was married and he was enjoying his new life.Maybe he sees her as a ladder to his professional growth.
He comes home early these days, doesnt eat, shows no remorse, very very angry with me, doesnt want to talk about our future and resents me.
I do resent him. I have lost my confidence/self-esteem. i cant believe he can do this and even try to lie all through and now accuse me of his reputation! He says he regrets bringing me over. I feel so lonely in this land and my kids live like they dont have a dad. I dont/want this anymore BUT what do I do? i think of my kids future as we have no life if we leave the uk. I wish things could be different .... He prides himself so much and no one can actually talk to him. He treats me like a thing and not a partner. I know who I am. I can be better than this, I can accomplish so much. I know I am a hard working woman and can excel but I feel so stuck with this man who abuses me.... He has got no regard for anyone yet he claims to be a christian and has said he will never apologise.... I have confided in friends and family and he resents me even more for doing so...
I am fed up. Sometimes i think of running free... sometimes I think of becoming a lesbian to escape hurt from men.... sometimes I just want to end it all....
What do I do?
Very Lonely Migrant