One-off aggressive/abusive outburst from another parent - wanted to discuss, not sure if this is the right place?

[notquitesureagain]

Not sure if this is the right section, sincere apologies if not. But here's the thing, and it's going back a a couple of years now but it's really stayed with me and i wanted to try and make some sense of it.

I used to take my youngest to a toddler group, I never really liked those groups, hard to say why, but anyway this one was lovely - looked forward to taking her, she really loved it etc, they sang songs, did activities and whatnot.

One day I accidentally bumped into another child, a really gentle bump against my leg (it was a small room, lots of toddlers running around etc) and she was absolutely fine, just picked herself up etc but her dad reacted really oddly. Started talking really loudly to other people in the group about me and when I realised what was happening and tried to apologise he practically shook with rage, wouldn't look at me etc. He eventually told me through gritted teeth to go away/was obvious he didn't want to speak to me etc I tried to apologise again at the end of the class and he was just really poisonous, told me I should stop coming to the class etc and made a couple of personal comments. He was so angry, he practically spat at me. It only happened once but it really shook me, I forced myself to go to the sessions I'd paid for but didn't carry on after that because I found him so intimidating. He never spoke to me again, just smiled at me a couple of times, which I found really creepy. Just couldn't face seeing him there every week. I've always felt a bit sad that I stopped going to something that brought me and my youngest quite a lot of pleasure, and I still think about it quite a lot, and wonder about what he was like at home/in the rest of his life.

Just wondered if anyone else had experienced anything similar and what they'd made of it?

I'm not surprised that stayed with you.

Nothing to do with a child but an experience where a woman bit the head off me years ago for no reason at all stayed with me too. (i'd been given her number to ring and ask if she'd help at school fair, she had provided her name and number to the committee for this reason). Bizarrely, I went up to her about a week later and said 'hey sorry about that misunderstanding'. I thought I was giving her an olive branch, I thought in my innocence that she would say 'oh no i'm so sorry i was so rude to you, you caught me at a bad time but you weren't to know that' but no she launched in to me again ........ and this is the bit that freaks me out, with the vicar standing looking at her!!!! she has cojones. She's a witch of the highest order, that's what I chalk it down to! The vicar must have thought that I'd done something really really evil to deserve being shouted at like that after I'd apologised to her because (and this type always is) she's really lovely to him!

Ah, I see where you're coming from now notquitesureagain. I sympathise too, I often struggle with social shyness/ awkwardness and it's something I've had to really work on. I was very aware that my terror discomfort in social situations could come across wrong, 'a bit above others' like you say, when that couldn't be further from the truth. And the more aware you are, the worse it then gets!

Very odd reaction from him. And a shame you've had to carry it with you for this long too. I guess we never know whats going on in other peoples lives too. That doesn't give him any excuse for behaving badly towards you, but might go some way to assuring you it wasn't anything you particularly did wrong, you were just an unfortunate target for someone who'd reached the end of their tether for whatever reason.

I was in a car park yesterday and a man went the wrong way up a one way section towards a car coming the right way. The car in the right beeped gently, a warning kind of beep. The other man driving raced from his car spitting expletives, shaking with fury, turning purple. The family in the other car were white... I am pretty sure they know just how you feel. It's awful because it's not rational, fair or ordinary and the insight it gives into dangerous violent people is chilling.

Rebecca Not really sure what 'sticking up for myself' would have looked like?

"Do not dare talk to me like that, you are being incredibly rude and, quite frankly, standing in front of me like this, trembling with rage, is making me feel very uncomfortable."

Then I would have gone to the group organiser and told her I feel utterly intimidated by the aggression displayed by this man.

I think that despite the wall to wall fisticuffs on here, in rl we are very unused to open unpleasantness or confrontation. As a result, we're usually too shocked to do much.

There was a sister of somebody who came along to one of our antenatal coffee mornings. When I smilingly offered her my sons muslin when she couldn't find her own she said 'I DON'T want to use SOMEBODY ELSE'S'. In a really horrible voice.

Fair enough. But I never bothered being friendly to her after that. I don't think you 'should' have done anything about Mr Angry. Forget him, he is nothing.

I agree with a lot of PPs - you can't make sense of it. He sounds like a loon. Try and write him off if you can.

Also agree that anger is very shocking and we're not used to it in real life. I remember once taking a phone call at work that was meant for customer services (poor customer services!) and had been misdirected to me - some bloke effing and blinding at me in an incoherent rant.

I was shaking and on the verge of tears when I put the phone down. A lovely colleague who had worked in customer services before reassured me that if you're not expecting it, direct anger has that effect.

It's shocking when you're on the end of this way out of proportion anger! It's happened to me once or twice and I find it extremely intimidating too.

But yes agreed that the man ishooooos. The normal response in that situation is "oh no worries, are they OK?" not purple faced hissed rage.