You were right the first time OP.
It sounds good enough for him .
Oh you poor little love. I know exactly what you are going through and the physical pain you are experiencing.
Please get as much support in RL as you CAn My lovely mum, my kids, friends....I leant on them all and cried to them all.
He's smashed you into the brick wall of life while somehow he has vaulted over it so no wonder you feel dazed and shocked while he's still running.
More than any other time in your life you need your business head on and I know it's come at a worst time because you don't feel up for it but we have amazing strength and you can outwit him at every move. He will be so loved up he will be careless. Oh mine was so careless so now take time to plan your strategy.
How you can get what you need for you and your children's survival.
Believe me the nicest of husbands turn into the lowest form of life when they no longer want their woman any more and they see us parasites . Despite contributing hugely to the marriage and even setting him up in business I was told I'd milked him all these years. So be warned what to expect.
He's not your beloved husband any more, he's the thief who stole your love, your life and the lives of your children.
And they turn nasty when they can't get their own way.boy, do they!
My piece of doo doo wanted me to kick him out. Once I realised the game plan, I did the opposite. Yours has left so that ball is in another court but just watch for him turning up the volume because unless he is a very remarkable man he will be trying to get away with giving you the least he can.
See more than one solicitor. I asked around divorced friends and found the ones to avoid. I eventually found a woman who had a good reputation and was well out of town so was definitely not one of his drinking buddies. Any solicitor who said 50/50 I crossed off the list . This lady reckoned on 60/40maybe 70/30 so I went with her. I can't go into more detail here.
But now is the time to really wise up you only get one bite of the cherry.
Use the adrenaline rushing through your veins to dot the i's and cross the tv's.
Check all financial papers. Mine had had a couple of years to build up his war chest and will have squirrelled money away. He was caught out many times on the huge financial forms that you need to fill in.
The divorce comes on two parts. 1. Is the ending of the marriage. The saddest bit seems almost to have the least significance. As they seek to rid themselves of us the lies they tell are incredible. Try to let that wash over you.
- Is the financial bit. This is the bit where it can run away with your money and you need to agree everything with your solicitor. Don't make any verbal agreements with him because they've lied and cheated once and will do so again like a fish on a hook. I'm going to put this in capitals because it's very important
ANSWER EVERY LETTER FROM YOUR SOLICITOR PROMPTLY SO HE/ SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO SEND TWO.
I didn't and no doubt escalated my costs as i didnt feel up to the job. This is where the money can run away so be sure to do what they ask when they ask it. I needed mumsnet then.
We didn't have underage children so there will be provision in the divorce for arrangements for them. Others can advise on that.
Once the sadness has begun to evaporate a bit that anger will come to the top and that's your fighting force.