Hi ladies
Not sure where to start really... I'm losing sleep over this and it's been going on for a year.
My husband and I met through mutual friends - he's known them since school (we're in our 40s now) and I've known them since my mid-20s. Most of the group has youngish children, my husband and I were late starters so our son is the youngest.
We've always been close with the group - frequent get-togethers, holidays and camping trips together, my husband and I have babysat for all of their children including me having 2 of the instigator of all this children for a whole weekend once.
Since I became a mum, the last of our group, some really odd things have been said, things I wouldn't expect to hear or ever think about another mother. These include my son being a poor sleeper when he was little = me doing it all wrong, and my personal favourite - I'm selfish to only have one child and he'll really suffer when me and husband aren't around anymore. (This was said with absolutely no knowledge of whether we'd been trying for more).
When my son was 2, I was ill for about a year with almost-constant severe migraines, which meant I didn't really see anyone. I had brain scans to eliminate the possibility of it being something more sinister. When I was better and back to normal and able to go out again, the women in this group told me the health scare was rubbish, and they laughingly told me that they'd been slagging me off because I was making up excuses not to go out with them - and the truth (in their view) was that I considered myself too cool to hang out with them...
The last time I was out with them (for my birthday) one of the women was screaming at me that I was an idiot for letting my husband have a female friend and that I deserved to be cheated on for being so stupid. The woman speaking was also my husband's female friend, as were all the others, but that's not the same count apparently....
It has come to a head because my husband and one of theirs had a minor spat last New Year (about something completely unrelated). My husband apologised to the other guy next morning and the other guy apologised too - all fine. ringleader of these women is his wife, and she emailed to tell me that the 3 of us were no longer welcome at anything.
While we were devastated, we have completely respected the group's wishes. We haven't heard from anyone in the group all year, apart from an strange text out of the blue from the ringleader saying we could have gone to their barbecue but she knew we were busy anyway. That was last summer, then no contact again other than a card this Christmas just gone. I'm a bit confused as to why the card - guilt alleviation without having to directly acknowledge our existence?
I did try talking to one of the other women in the group but she told me that 'she was sure it wasn't true' that I'd received the initial email and not heard from anyone since. It also became clear from the conversation that ringleader and sidekick had been lying about us. So that was a non-starter of a conversation!
Now I'm unexpectedly pregnant at 41, delighted but quite depressed to not have my friends around me. I see all their Facebook posts and photos as they continue with all the old traditions without giving me a second thought. I'm scared of them finding out about the pregnancy because I know they'll find something vile to say about it (irresponsible at my age for example) and I don't want my baby the subject of their bitching sessions.
The ringleader is my son's godmother but she excluded his a year ago. Is it possible to change godparents, do you think? And what do I do about protecting myself, my husband and especially our children from all the vicious judgemental behaviour?
Phew, sorry it's so long - hadn't realised there was so much to say! Thanks so much for listening and for any advice! Xxx