How should I deal with this please...

[theendoftheendoftheend]

I had a call from exP last night to say he still loves me and wants us to be a family etc. It came right out of the blue. He's in a new relationship with the best friend of a mutual friend and as far as I was aware had moved on. He's on his way over to see the DC, he see's them here and I tend to come and go as I please. I was going to sort out the DC's bedrooms whilst he had them down stairs, but now I'm wondering if I should go out to give him some space? WWYD?

Do you still love him and want to be a family? Why did you split up?

And when did you split up? Did he have an affair with the person he is with now? Could be a case of the 'grass not being greener'.

It depends how you feel about what he's said. If you don't want to entertain the idea, he needs to hear that from you. You'll need to think about and discuss changing your arrangements so that he doesn't visit your children in your home, in order to make your split as a family much clearer in everybody's mind. Maybe a text to say that you don't feel that way but that you do think it would be a good idea to meet soon to talk about the existing arrangements.

If you would consider getting back, then you also need to talk it though. But neither conversation can happen today in front of your children.

I would carry on as you would have done, but send a text first so he's aware of how you feel.

No no affair, we split up once when our second DC was a baby, I had PND and he suffered a significant bereavement. We got back together 18 months later and the whole repeated itself again! Another baby, this time I had a stroke rather then PND and someone very close to him killed themselves. We split up just over a year ago. Things had become quite abusive to be honest by that point. After the initial blow up we were quite friendly, spent time together and as a family, but in the summer we decided we couldn't forge a future and needed to accept our relatipnship was over. I do love him, he's the father of my DC, we've been through alot and I think its sad things didn't work out better. But

Sorry posted too soon! I am doubtful that we could recover the relationship and really go on to have a happy, healthy one that set a good example for the DC. I don't want to risk anything where they're concerned. I think there's alot that we both haven't properly dealt with or recovered from yet.

I think you know the answer here, you have tried more than once to make a go of it - i think you should try and go for the friends route first and then see what happens

do not put your life on hold (thats for both of you) and if you are meant to be together, then thats what will happen. Your children will be happier if their parents get on and are friend being apart than if they are miserable together x

good luck in whatever you decide

(remember, you dont have to do anything in haste)

Well he was actually just concerened that I might be commiting the cardinal sin of also moving on. So my plan is to ignore and avoid (as far as possible) however he is bound to try and guilt trip me and be difficult/sarky. So any tips on how to survive this part with my sanity in tact would be very much appreciated!

So he's being massively disrespectful to his current girlfriend by making overtures to you.
He's also being very controlling of you, by making overtures to you in order to halt your own progress at moving on.
And you already know he's going to try and manipulate you, through guilt trips and sarcasm etc.

He's a dick, basically.

Tips on how to deal with this?

• ignore his message
• reduce contact
• Stop letting him use your home for contact with the kids.

You do not need this man trying to fuck with your head and your life. Keep him well away from you: by cutting contact to the bare minimum of arrangements for seeing DC, not reacting to his game-playing, not being so accommodating (visits in your house...), and not seeing him in person.

He has to see the children here (despite keeping the family home) as he has no where else to take them and whilst I'm happy to say he can't be here I can't give the DC the impression that they have to go. Buts thats ok because I can go out.

He wants to have his cake and eat it. Tell him to stick it up his arse.

Why can't he take them to the family home

If I have understood correctly, he has bailed twice when things got tough and you'd just had a baby. Perhaps things got tough with his new gf or he just thinks you're moving on. Either way, he's behaved appallingly all round. I think you're right that this relationship will never be 'happy' or 'healthy'.