should you tell someone their partner cheated?

[mytitiferssungtheirsong]

I am asking this mainly for curiosity as opinion seems quite divided whenthis qquestion comes up on MN. However I am also in the position of knowing someone cheated on someone else and not sure what to do. Can't decide if it's helpful to let someone know they're with a horrible person or keep out of their business.

What are your thoughts and if you did tell someone, what happened?

Well, the partner would 9/10 want to know but that comes with a heap of caveats like

• some women "know" in their hearts their husband is cheating but turn a blind eye (typically wives of very wealthy men who don't want to lose a lifestyle); someone telling them directly disturbs their life plan.

• depends how well you know the person being cheated on

• there is a reason why "don't shoot the messenger" is an idiom.

etc etc.

I would vote yes myself but say that you should allow for the fact that the "cheated on" person may end up cutting you out of their life - either because you remind them of something horrid (after they have moved on) OR because they choose to stay with their partner (and you are a fly in the presentation of a "happy" relationship).

If you put friendship on a scale of 1 to 10 where 1 is a best friend and 10 is a stranger, I would tell the person being cheated on if they were a close friend in the 1 - 2 zone (because I would feel honour bound to tell them and would expect the same of my good friends); would avoid the 3 - 5 zone as being more trouble than its worth and tell anyone in the 6+ zone (but obviously by the time you get to total stranger its academic because you wouldn't know them!)

Sorry been away over the weekend. Interesting to read the replies. Although I know one of the parties well, I am not sure I will be believed anyway. Complex situation. Will leave it for now even though I think it's shitty!!

self loathing that's a great reply!
please change your username though !