Aggghhhhh!

[Grapeeatingweirdo]

DP seems to hate me when he drinks. He gets to a level of sheer inebriation and then comes crashing home, wakes me up with his noise and then starts an argument about how shit I am. Until now he has been openly working on not doing this, he's a working man doing long hours and more than pulls his weight in the house. I just can't stand that feeling of fear and tension when he goes out drinking and I know he'll be back sometime in the night. I wish I could go and stay somewhere else

I'm supposed to be celebrating my 30th birthday today.

This is emotionally abusive. Not to mention, if he knows he's a cunt when he's drunk and still gets drunk then he has a drink problem.
What do you want to do about it?

Sorry but there is a saying in vino veritas, in wine there is truth, ie when he is pissed he is telling you how he really feels.

You do not have to live in fear and trepidation every time he goes out. This is cause enough to leave the relationship. He's working on it / but still goes out drinking? My arse is he working on it. He should not be drinking at all and if he chooses to then he is choosing alcohol over you and you know where you stand.

Sorry to be harsh.

Happy Birthday

You know this isn't going to change, don't you? He's been trying not to be like this? Well he's failed. He is like this.

Most men work and most men pull their weight around the house, there's nothing special about that. So what are you going to do about it?

Happy Birthday.

Today is milestone birthday so,what present are you giving yourself? Currently your living with a man who doesn't respect or love you and has an alcohol problem.

Leave, I suppose. I don't want to though. I love the bones off him. Without alcohol he is lovely, kind, cuddly and really friendly and supportive. Just last night before he went out, we were playing a silly game on our phones, cuddling up and talking about the future. He's organised some surprise stuff for my birthday. I am so conflicted and I know how shit this sounds. He clearly loves getting wankered more than he loves me.

This is not a good situation. Like minmooch says, the drunk person is a more accurate reflection of reality than the pretenses he is able to maintain sober. Like folkgirl says, this isn't going to change.

I'm sorry you're coming to this realisation on your birthday, but having the self-respect to leave this horrible situation may possibly be the best birthday present you could ever have.

We've just celebrated five years together and this has been a problem throughout really. He starts off lovely and amenable and then gets more and more horrible once he has passed a certain line. He then really upsets me by going on about stupid things and bringing up past stuff. It usually ends with me being told to fuck off because I am a cunt. He will always be really apologetic the next day but it's when the alcohol has started to leave him.

Happy birthday

My exp was like this

Sometimes he would do it weekly

I am so much more content going to bed at night knowing he isn't coming my way

I know I will be too. At the very least I am going to move out. I've never lived with anyone but the two boyfriends I've had as a adult though so the prospect is a very scary one. No DC

Yes, that's it, he chooses alcohol above you. So he either cares about having fun with his mates more than he cares about not being vile to you, or he's an alcoholic. Either way...

Perhaps deciding to leave would be the best present you could have.

Your thirties are the best years of your life, don't waste them on him, particularly if you would like children one day.

Birthday wishes OP

Happy birthday OP.

Mark the milestone birthday by taking your future in your hands.

Happy Birthday
Think carefully about whether you want to be doing exactly the same thing on your 40th Birthday, and 50th and so on.
You know it's not right so change it, I knw it's not just that easy but you deserve better than an abusive relationship

Perhaps you deciding that you should leave, and proving that you can leave (you imply this will be easy enough on a practical level), may be the wake-up call he needs to sort out his problem drinking. There are no guarantees, but if losing you is his personal rock bottom he may find the strength to do something about it. If he doesn't, of course, then you did need to leave anyway. It's no good your pet tiger being all lovely and fluffy even 99% of the time if he bites your head off just once.

This is no way to live op.

I appreciate your replies, sorry I disappeared. I fell asleep :) yes, this really can't go on. I thought we were moving forward but then this happens.

I have posted quite a lot about him under a different (but very similar) nickname over the last couple of years and I've been a bit silly, letting my heart rule my head. He really is an exceptional person in so many ways.

But if getting drunk is more important than me then that will never change

imo the issue isn't that he's choosing alcohol over you, it's that when he's under the influence of alcohol his true feelings come out. I wouldn't be staying with a man like this even if he swore never to touch a drop of booze ever again.

If drink made me abuse my beloved partner I would stop drinking

why doesn't he do that ?

I don't recognise this "love" that you describe.