help...I'm going to court

[attheendofmyteatheragain]

I already had a thread on here a few weeks back, but I have no idea how to link it from my phone

basically my ex is a bit of a bully and managed to get me to agree to him having DS every single weekend. it 'suited' me for a while as after maternity leave I chose to work weekends only, to save childcare fees and enable exp I suppose to have his way

anyway I found the strength from all the great advice on the previous thread to try to put a stop to him after a few different scenarios ie I attempted to have a few conversations with exp about seeing DS at the weekend (I've never been able to take him swimming or have chilled out time with him at the weekends, take him skating/skiing or to football/rugby etc-or just do nothing!) exps reaction to me asking to have DS at the weekend from time to time is, I'll have him Mon-Fri then he has messed me around many times with child maintenance ie warning me that if I go to csa he will quit his job so I get nothing, and constant threats that he will cease payments if I don't agree to travel to collect DS every weekend or whatever else he decides he wants. and has threatened me with court ever since I was pregnant I've had enough

so now after several weeks of seeing a lawyer and letters going between them, exp has raised court action as I didn't agree to his offer of 50/50 shared care or every single weekend meaning I never get quality time with DS

I need your help ladies (and gentlemen if there are any). I must speak to my solicitor on Monday with a witness who can speak of the contact exp has had with DS and why my proposal for contact being every other weekend would be in DS best interests

after my last meeting with my solicitor I'm feeling massively stressed that exp will win this, at first the solicitor was very positive and agreed with me that I had been too reasonable etc, but now is saying that the courts don't like changing the status quo and that I may get a bit of a shouting over cutting contact initially

has anyone experience of the family court system?

he wants ds for three days then four on an alternating basis OR failing that every single weekend, oh and to find me liable in the expenses of this action

in exps statement, is says that I have tried to gradually erode his time with DS and diminish his role. it says I have used him as an ad hoc babysitter and he seeks a residence order

I'm rubbish at writing statements, all I want is some QUALITY time with ds. not the mid week drudgery, that's surely not much to ask is it?

thank you ladies. I'll start writing my statement now!

Hello - I'm currently being dragged through the court system but on Financial Matters not children but the system is the same.

The onus is on you and he (via your solicitors) to negotiate out of court all the time, but you may have to attend the courthouse twice to get the judge's input and assistance, but only after you've attended Mediation (unless you can get out of it). If all of that fails, then you go to a Final Hearing (and even then right up until the judge makes the legally-binding judgment you and your ex should be trying to resolve the dispute) so you should start by making a counter offer, stipulating what you want. This has to be reasonable, feasible, affordable and at all times be in the best interests of your child etc.

You should plan for every aspect of your child's life, e.g. times for pick ups, who does pick-ups etc, Christmas, school holidays, birthdays etc - like a full on micro-managed up-bringing. IF you go all the way to a final hearing (which most people don't) you will then have to justify why you think your pattern is in the best interests of your child.

You should also emphasise how every weekend means he is not able to have a relationship with grandparents/extended family (if this is relevant), deprives him of quality time with his mother, means he can't attend events involving your family, e.g. weddings, parties etc.

I'm not sure exactly what 'statement' you are being asked to produce - is it a position statement (your solicitor should really do this) or a narrative statement (your life story type of document). They are different but this website may be handy for you:

www.thecustodyminefield.com/flapp/positionstatements.html

from this website can be helpful.

www.thecustodyminefield.com/flapp/resolvingdisputesmenu.html

WWW I think you may not realise that this is not part of a divorce?