Jealousy and insecurity ruining my life and relationship

[patch123]

Anyone who read my last post will know I'm struggling with my DP going out tomorrow night and staying out as he doesn't want me to pick him up.

I am constantly jealous and comparing myself to others. If we walk down the street I will watch his eyes to see if he looks at women when we're out, i won't watch certain programs if there's sexy women in them, I have even not gone to partys with him and suggested we change our plans if there's someone there he might remotely find attractive. I think about his ex alot and always think he would like someone better, prettier etc. I am actually slim and attractive but can't help feeling this way. I know alot of replies will be "pull yourself together, you will drive him away" and i know this but I can't change however hard I try. Tomorrow night is killing that I won't know who he's with, what time he's out, who else is there. .. is anyone or has anyone suffered like this and offer some constructive advice? Thanks

Weirdly thank you op, all of these amazing replies have helped me too with a bit of this issue.

I’m not going to judge you because I was exactly the same as you until about 2 years ago. Every relationship I had I ruined due to my extreme jealousy. I was really controlling and basically hated it if I wasn’t where my partner was as I had no control over what COULD happen. Let me tell you though that you will lose the person you love because you’re making their life hell. Try put it into perspective. If your partner was treating you the way you treat them how would you feel? It’s a really hard cycle to break but this won’t end well for you if you carry on. One thing positive from this is that you realise the way you are acting is not ok and that’s the first step to getting it sorted. Try get some counselling and take a step back and have a look at what you are doing to your partner here. Good luck.

I feel for you. I was in a relationship like this and I think it partly stemmed from my partners behaviour at the time. I felt he was constantly staring at other women. Now married to someone who I know would never cheat, constantly making me feel good and I’m not jealous at all. Maybe it’s not just you but how your partner makes you feel?

Omg OP. .. so you feel because youre hiding him from all the pretty women in the world/on TV/ in your neighbourhood, he isnt aware they EXIST? Whattt?

Hopefully she has a handle on it now, 6 YEARS later.

Zombie!

Come on mumsnet, lock old threads.

OP- I was here in my last relationship and tied myself in knots that it was me , that I needed to sort myself out etc

After much therapy, I was helped to understand that something was affecting my anxiety (in my case my Ex DPs lack of commitment) and it was coming out as this jealousy/ insecurity. I was able to work on this as it had never been the case that I behaved like this in any other relationship- could it be that something is upsetting you about the relationship and it is playing out in this way with you?

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Totally understand and empathise.
I was never a jealous person and trusted 100 percent until partner went out with someone else and lied about whole situation. I didn't leave him as children and one off I think, then he did similar yrs later. Couldn't believe it. Still can't really.
So nowadays I have no trust in him.
Have tried very hard to get it back but its gone and because he was my go to person don't think I will be able to get that at ease feeling again with anyone.
I have read forums, books, Samaritans, counselling, walking, drinking occasionally to relax, driving and screaming/crying that I wish he hadn't done and I was stronger like some of ladies on here.
Some of my low self esteem was before he came along and he has made me feel special and put me on pedestal but in recent times he is a lot more confident and I'm not.
I am reading this post with interest as really do need help too.
We are still together and to the outside world appear solid but I worry all the time about where he is, is he really where he says, and so on.
Not good for me.