Problem with male work colleague

[I8toys]

Would love some advice please - I got sent this text from a male work colleague who I have known for 10 years plus. He is married with 3 children, me with 2.

Just some context. One day last year he sametimed me and said I need to urgently see you at work tomorrow. Next day he comes into my office and stands there looking uncomfortable. I say to him what's the problem spit it out M - is it the kids, work what. He says remember what you said to me when you left old our company, I'm like no what.....then a colleague walked in. He followed me to this new company. It made me feel uncomfortable and I have avoided him since. He apologise for saying anything inappropriate. Problem is he didn't say anything really but made me feel very uncomfortable and looking back over weeks previous he kept saying I looked nice, tried to ask me out to lunch and kept giving me chocolate. It was all innocent from my side and I am happily married.
Then today I get this.

E

"Just want to say that I do still miss chatting to you - you've been a good friend to me over a number of years, someone I can talk to, confide in and trust - I'll always appreciate and remember that, it means a lot to me,

I appreciate I've perhaps said or done something wrong in the past - I'm really sorry if that's so,

I hope we might be able to talk again soon"

M

What the hell do I do? Something is not right with him and it sounds odd? Any advice greatly appreciated.

Tell the truth by text? "I have been more distant because it felt like you were looking for a deeper friendship than I was comfortable with as a happily married person."

The thing is even any little tiny bit of contact starts him off again. He texted me out of the blue on Wednesday about the weather. This led to two more texts after almost no contact at all. I am scared that anything I do will create some sort of interest in his mind that isn't there.

Truth by text: definitely required. Tell him you appreciate him as a colleague but he has made you feel uncomfortable and you will no longer reply to abt texts.

If he texts again tell him you'll have to take it to your employer.

I would stay keep your distance, stick to work only communications and tell him same; sorry but i have been in wxactley tge same situation; it started with messages just like you have received, and i know i am projecting, but this has my alarm bells ringing BIG TIME. The following you from your previous company, the apparent urgency to speak to you the next day, the apologising even tho he never got round to saying anything? No. Stay away. My situation escalated after i rejected his very strange advances, i am in the process of a disciplinary investigation into his behaviour, and i have discovered some seriously unpleasant facts about his past. Be professional, but disregard any thought for his feelings, your pririty is you.

Tell your DH asap. Otherwise it might look suspicious later, especially if this bloke is delusional and thinks you have been leading him on.

Discuss your next actions with DH, tell him what we've said, get it out in the open as soon as possible.

Tell a few close people at work too.

Thanks all. I have mentioned it to our mutual friend (our boss) just that I am concerned that he needs to talk to someone and that someone won't be me. I have not responded to his text and will think on what to say but will be along the lines of your suggestions. Our boss is going to speak to him as a friend and see if there is anything going on with him. I don't want to get him into trouble - that is not my intention and wish him no harm as I know hiw wife and children. Will keep my distance.

Typos = bloody phone! Sorry, just seen your message regarding the "anything sets him off". After a weekend of seemingly innocuous "hi, hope you're having a nice weekend, i'm just doing x y z" and then "hi, me again, bet you're fed up of hearing from me ha ha, just going to x y z, hope you have a nice evening!!" And more and more, which i never replied too, i eventually blocked him. I suggest you do similar, he is homing in on you, sorry xx

Posted before seen your post AHat. My husband knows about it - told him the first time and showed him the text. He says he says the guy shows insecure and not appropriate for him to be texting someone's wife.

The women that I work in the same office with know as I've said I don't want to be left alone with him. They know how I feel and have seen him coming into the office etc.

I think it is so important to get this out in the open: in his mind there is some alternative reality that needs correcting.

Definitely tell your DH.

Agree the joining your company there are potential serious concerns here. Keep yourself safe.

Wallaby - I know just a random text on Wednesday when no contact for forever - no wanting to sound like a knob but its like he was thinking of me!! And then all this.....

Stronger wording but not overtly rude or accusatory:

"I have been avoiding you because I feel uncomfortable with your desire for a deeper friendship. I think it is best if we do not have contact. Please respect my wishes.

I like that AHat - thank you. I overthink things and am concerned with hurting others feelings but I need to draw a line under this.

Tell him honestly if he is making you feel uncomfortable.

I have found that they know you are kind, don't want to cause upset, and they exploit this by pushing your boundaries. When you get the gumption to say "look, no contact except work matters", they are adept at the "oh dear it really wasn't my intention to make you feel....." And the sad face, the hurt voice, it makes you feel dreadful......it's called manipulation. Or for want of a better word.....grooming. The contacts in isolation look innocent enough, but for me it was the sheer volume....