How do you learn self discipline?

[Thistledew]

I'm sorry if this is not the right section, but don't know where else to ask this.

How do you teach yourself self-discipline? I would love to hear from people who used to be undisciplined and have managed to turn things around, as I have realised that I need to make some fundamental changes.

My lack of discipline arrises mostly in relation to my work, but also in terms of general personal admin/ housework etc.

I work self-employed in a job that I love but which is mentally very demanding. I have enough discipline to make sure that I never miss a deadline for my clients, and my lack of discipline doesn't impinge on anyone but myself. I also could not do my exact job in an employed role, and do really value being self-employed. I have done similar roles in an employed position, and became very bored and resentful after a short while.

My problem is that whilst my lack of discipline doesn't affect my clients, it does affect me. I find it very hard to make myself sit down and get on with my work until the deadline is absolutely looming, when suddenly my focus will appear and I can sit and work solidly for hours until the work is done. What this means is that I will faff around wasting time on the internet during normal working hours, and then end up having to work late in the evening or at night to get the work done. Or I will have a really unproductive day one day, and then need to work frantically the next. Or I will put off doing boring admin stuff like billing the work I have done, and then wonder why I have no money coming in!

I would also like to be a bit more disciplined regarding household stuff. I am messy, and would like to be a bit more sorted in terms of dedicating time to cleaning and tidying.

I am not without discipline in all areas of my life, in that I do triathlon (for fun), and am actually pretty disciplined about keeping up with my training program for that. In some ways, I think this is actually a diverted form of laziness, as when I am swimming, cycling or running, I don't have to think and I don't have to do, so actually, it becomes another way of avoiding being productive.

Can anyone help? Late nights, and the stress of making everything last minute is not doing me any good, I know. I also regularly feel fed up with myself for not being more productive and for wasting time, and would like to feel happier with myself.

Bertie - I've been there! In my case it becomes a cycle where self-loathing and continuance of the behaviour co-exist at the same moment.

I am trying to focus on what I'm doing 100% and to not be resentful about that focus. So if I decide to clean the floor, for instance, I'm gonna clean it in a good spirit and not with an 'I wish I were doing something else' attitude. And I'm not going to get distracted into doing something else either. It seems to be helping!

motherofstudents I take Concerta XL too. Life changing stuff.

It is indeed. My psychiatrist thinks the complete lack of side effects are partly down to me needing it so much!

Thanks for all the replies - I've just caught up reading them. It is good to know that I'm not some lazy-ass oddity and this is actually a reasonably common problem.

I took theADHD quiz - thanks Albamarama-but got a low score and found it didn't resonate with me. Once I have got started with something my focus is pretty good and I can work solidly for big chunks of time.

The responses have given me things tothink about but I haven't had a chance to put them into practice as I have been working with other people today and then had a tight deadline to meet so my triggers didn't come up. Wednesday is likely to be the next problem day for me.

I hope we can keep this thread running as it would be good to have other people to chivvy us along and to share feedback as to what techniques prove helpful. Although how long a bunch of people who have short attention spans and are easily distracted from doing productive things can keep anything running remains to be seen!

www.mindtools.com/ might be useful...

. We can but try.

I just read this 99u.com/articles/27117/escaping-the-time-scarcity-trap article. One of the things that resonated with me about trying to identify what is important was:

Laura Vanderkam, author of 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think, suggests replacing the phrase “I don’t have time for this” with “this isn’t a priority” to surface those important but not urgent tasks. Instead of saying, “I don’t have time to work on my novel,” try saying, “My writing isn’t a priority” out loud and see how that feels. (Probably not too good at first, but that’s the point.) Rather than coming up with excuses like, “I can’t fit in going to the gym with this big deadline coming up,” say, “My well-being isn’t a priority.”

I tend to end up not exercising or having time to cook decent food etc. when I have a load of deadlines all backed up, but probably part of the reason that the deadlines are backed up is because I have faffed around at other times. Also, perfectionism, taking on more work that I was originally contracted for etc.

this thread has come at a really useful time for me (another self-employed, work quite a bit at home person). Currently reading and thinking!

thanks for links to that test, I am (as I suspected) high spectrum ADHD
I have to go to visit my GP to get the ball rolling....

app UfYH helped me with getting control of most mess and stuff I had in abundance in my house

now I need - Unfuck Mour mind

Yep. My problem with to do lists is that I misplace the list, I forget to update it, I don't really know what should go on the list so it ends up being a mixture of long term, short term, tasks which must be repeated (e.g. laundry, shopping) and tasks which are a one off (book driving lessons, renew passport). I forget to look at it. If take a diary/notebook with me, I'll at some point take it out of my bag and leave it somewhere in the house. If I have a list on the computer, I get distracted by the computer. If I have one on my phone, my phone is either charging or needs charging.

But I am really, seriously, starting to suspect ADD may be the problem with me, so I will bow out as the OP hasn't identified with that and I feel like I'm not being very helpful by listing all the things I struggle with(!), and I will go to the doctor as soon as I am able. (The irony being that my current reason for being unable was caused by the exact kinds of patterns which make me suspect ADD.) I would suggest an ADD/suspected ADD/similar to ADD support thread, but, you know. They've happened before and we all get distracted and it trails off.

Working on your own/from home demands a great deal of self-discipline, especially if you don't have a housekeeper.

(Perhaps a long standing thread in a section which doesn't get deleted )

I don't do anything unless under pressure - my tax return needs to be done and posted tomorrow

It works for me and the stuff I do is of a high enough quality but I don't do it unless I have to

ADD support thread - count me in!

I even got this book on my shelf
www.amazon.co.uk/Mindfulness-Prescription-Adult-ADHD-Strengthening/dp/1590308476

Sigh I suppose I could be persuaded to start another one

I'll put it in Mental Health.

I find having regular short breaks between tasks help. And using a timer.

I sometimes set a timer 45mins - force myself to work until it bleeps, then I get 10mins break - get up make a cuppa, text someone, go on the Internet. Then do another 45min burst and so on.

It sounds silly but it really helped me!

I was you last year OP but then I was working full time and doing a masters with 3 kids and suddenly it was not possible anymore. The things that I learned were lists, lots of them and 50 minute slots then a deserved break for a walk around, coffee, Mumsnet slot all timed and then into the next task. You only need the 50 minute slots for boring things everything else you fly through so I find so you don't take a break every 50 minutes.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/feeling_depressed/2294533-Suspected-Diagnosed-Struggles-similar-to-ADHD-support-thread?

laurie me too - although I have several returns still to do

I have come to accept that I am lazy work better to a deadline and that housework and feeding the dc with cook-from-scratch food is not the be all and end all in life

More seriously though, whoever suggested the saying out loud thing is a genuis! I might even get my gym kit out and put it in the car after saying I do not prioritise my well being out loud

At least after reading the thread I realise I am not alone in my lack of self discipline

Apart from the triathlons, your op could have been written.by me. I'm really curious what your job is? I bet it's the same as mine. I'm dreading returning.to work after ML as all my stress and procrastination.and self loathing will return :-(