Am I expecting too much from family?

[Imustgodowntotheseaagain]

Rejoined to ask this question as I've had great advice here in the past.

I've recently moved to a new city for work - it's a big career change but something I've always wanted to do. I had to sell a house and buy a new one.

My parents have taken no interest at all in the sale or the move. I understand that I'm a big girl, and it's my decision and my responsibility, but I don't understand why no interest at all has been taken in this - not even a text to ask how it's going, or an offer to look after any of my things (there was a gap between the sale and the purchase) - nothing at all.

I'm lucky to have great mates who have helped me, looked after the things that I didn't want to store, and held my hand when the legal stuff got daunting - but am I wrong to feel that I could have expected some interest?

There is back story, we have a difficult relationship at the best of times, but I feel like I'm being punished for something I don't understand.

Would I be stupid to write a letter explaining this, or am I just being a precious princess?

I don't think you are being a precious princess at all, but I very much doubt you would get a concerned and nice reply to your letter because your parents are concerned and nice at the moment anyway. It might be you want to send it anyway, but I don't think, if the relationship is troubled, letters are a good idea- they stay on paper forever and can be very damaging.

Is there one family member you could talk to more than the others? What are the ongoing issues?

Perhaps talking with a counsellor who could act like a sounding board might help you clarify what you want to do. Unfortunately changing them isn't very likely, but you do have choices about how you act. You can't make them interested if they are not though:(

That should say 'your parents are NOT concerned and nice at the moment anyway'

That sounds very odd... The day one of my DC starts buying a house is the day I ask for the link on Rightmove of the one they looked that afternoon...

I think Then is right, though: letters rarely do any good (voice of bitter experience - I kept one of my father's outrageous missives for years, just to remind myself why I didn't phone him very often).

Do you have a sibling who could perhaps approach your parents for you? Or an uncle or aunt?

Thanks, Napoleon - I'm effectively NC with the rest of the family, we fell out last time I tried to express my feeling of being on the outside, or excluded from, the family circle. I was told I was being silly and of course when I needed them they would rally round. Well, this would have been a great opportunity! - but of course nothing happened.

You are right, writing it down wouldn't change anything. If they know they are being deliberately cruel, it won't change their mind, and if they just hadn't thought that I might value some support, being told will just make them defensive.

Hi Meh, bit of an x-post - NC with siblings and extended family. I just dropped off the radar, I think.

You sound pretty sorted if you've bought a house, and had the balls to make a career move you wanted!
Sometimes, capable people just give off a "don't need help" vibe, or at least allow others to excuse their own lack of help by being easily classified as in control.

So there's that. And it's to your credit - the upside sometimes to a dose of parental disinterest.

Honestly, I wouldn't write. Hiding to nothing. They are who they are. Doubt you change them.