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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Two of my friends have begun a relationship...

10 replies

babydales · 18/10/2006 13:55

with each other. I have known him a long time and her for a couple of years. They are both single both have children and he is almost twice her age. But thats not whats bugging me. She is VERY needy and tells me EVERYTHING (if you see what I mean) and he says nothing, he hasnt even mentioned the fact that they have begun seeing each other as they both agreed not to tell me yet but she just couldnt help herself, now her whole topic of conversation is him, him, him. I look after his child for him so he can go out every now and again and dont mind at all but last week he asked me to have him overnight, again not a problem, as I knew, from her, that they were seeing each other but he told me he was going out with the lads to the pub. I hate being lied too. I am seeing him tonight and am wondering whether he will actually tell me about seeing her or not. Do I mention it first? I dont really approve, but then thats not up to me to approve or not but I dont want to get caught in the middle if it all goes wrong. God, even Im confused now. All I know is that I am sick of hearing about it and just want them to keep their business to themselves and not to be lied too. Oh buugger.

OP posts:
NotQuiteCockney · 18/10/2006 13:59

Hmm, it's impossible for him to keep his business to himself, use you as a babysitter, and not lie, iyswim.

lulumama · 18/10/2006 14:03

if he is very guarded usually and she is less so,,,then it may not be he is lying, just he is not ready to tell you ...esp if still early days.

he might have an inkling she is quite full on and does not want to encourage you to think they are having a relationship in the hope you might calm down her expectations a bit.....

or their relationship is actually not important enough for him to tell you

why don;t you tell him you know???

babydales · 18/10/2006 15:54

Have thought i will ask him tonight if there is anything going on. Defo get the impression that its all her and not him. She is quite full on and from what I know of him and thats a 9 year frienship she is not his type at all.Just hope he is not using her.

OP posts:
lulumama · 18/10/2006 16:31

if he is using her, then perhaps you need to warn him it could get messy, especailly as you;ve known him a long time

but then, he is a grown man and if he wanted relationship advice he would probably have asked!

maybe tell her not too get too excited when she starts going on.. he might not be so gentle...!

tricky isnlt it?? don't want to interfere, but don;t want people to get hurt.

babydales · 18/10/2006 16:49

Yeah exactly what i thought.

OP posts:
lulumama · 18/10/2006 16:50

love it when i'm right!!!

just don;t get caught in the cross fire if it goes t*its up!

babydales · 18/10/2006 16:53

Problem is I see him every day and she works for me.

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lulumama · 18/10/2006 16:59

eeeeeek....!

then you need to maybe set a few ground rules about how much time you want to discuss it with them..probably not too much during working hours....

i think need to ask him why the deception, then you'll know more what sort of situation this could turn into...

Philomena · 18/10/2006 17:56

Say nothing...then they really can keep their business to themselves. Oh - and change the subject when she drones on about him.

babydales · 18/10/2006 21:49

Just got back. Didnt say anything to him or him too me. Will leave it at that and wait for him to mention it.

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