Issue with a friend...

[excitedbutscared]

Hey all

Trivial post from me (again), but could do with an outside opinion!

I have a friend who I have known for about 20 years. I'd say we were close, but not really 'besties'. I moved from where we lived and we stayed in touch.

Since then, my friend has come up to stay with me a few times for weekends, but the last few times, she has gone off and done what she wanted to do for some or most of the days as she has a son in Uni in the town that I live in so would go and see him. She also invited him and his girlfriend round to my house on a Saturday night and bought and cooked them food - but didn't offer me any!

Anyway, I haven't seen her for a few months and she has just got in contact asking if she and her daughter could come and stay for 4 days over this weekend. I'd love to see her, but then she said her daughter has an interview near to where I live and they want to go shopping at a large shopping centre nearby on the Saturday. She hasn't mentioned me in any of this but has said it would be good to 'kill two birds with one stone'.

I feel mean, and that I could be being a crap friend by not letting her stay here but do also feel she is using me a bit and my house as a hotel. I have two daughters of my own and have loads to do around the house this weekend and could really do without it - but she is also an old friend of mine which to be honest are hard to find sometimes.

What would you do?

I'd say no. She's gradually crossed the line into using your house as a (free) hotel. I can imagine a scenario like this with a best best friend or sister, but even then it would naturally be evened out by spending time together at other times.

Either be tactful and say really sorry but those dates are not convenient for you.

Or be honest and say sorry the gravy train has terminated, find another sucker.

I would say sorry can't do this weekend but invite her to come for a night when you are free. Say you'll enjoy a day doing xyz with her. Bet she won't come!

Sounds like a user rather than a friend by her behaviour.
Basically you are saving her hotel bills.
I'd be angry at someone inviting other people to my house for food, and excluding me! What a cheek, so rude.

Tell her you're busy or have other people staying.

Well say no. Maybe arrange a different convenient date (for you)- just one night. Or say you're free X day for however many hours, you could meet up in town for a bit.
If you think she's just using you (is she interested at all when she visits?) then just a flat no and don't bother! You don't have to stay friends just because you've known her a long time.

She's using you as a hotel. I'd say no.

If it's a two way friendship that you enjoy and get pleasure from in other ways then it MIGHT be worth sucking up this bad behaviour. But it sounds like she's just using you and that there isn't an actual friendship anymore.

I don't blame you for feeling like a hotel! And agree she was very rude to invite other people over for food without checking with you first and then not offering you any!

She is a user just say it's not convenient and leave it at that.

How does she thank you when she comes? Does she ever bring anything or take you out for a meal?

Freeloader and bloody rude!
Say no!

Sounds a bit of a one sided friendship.

Say no it isn't convenient for you this weekend.

She is using you big time!

Inviting people into your home and not including you is one of the rudest things I've ever heard! Trust your gut - she is using you. Just tell her it isnt' convenient, no need to give her any reasons or excuses. You're not mean at all, just not being a doormat any longer.

Apologise and explain that they can't stay over this weekend but you are happy to meet up for an hour or two.........

Come back and tell us what she says. I bet she doesn't even respond!

Tell her that's fine and invoice her a couple of hundred quid to be paid in advance.

Unbelievable that she excluded you from the meal she cooked in your home so say no to this weekend.

Invite her to visit you at a time to suit you and see what happens.....

Op didn't you say anything to her when she abused your hospitality?

She has already used you before, learn from it and tell her you are busy, she is using your home as a hotel.

I have to agree with the general consensus that it sounds as though she's using you, I'm sorry I would just reply by saying that this weekend doesn't suit, especially at such short notice. You don't have to elaborate, sometimes the more fibs we tell the more likely it is we're caught out. Although I do think this is maybe something that needs addressed at some point. People like this users may change their ways once they know someone is onto them. Sorry you're in an awkward situation, good luck.

Say its inconvinient and give her details of local hotels x