Please be gentle with me

[SaucyMare]

I am controlling, i could go into a long boring discussion of why i think this is, but i suspect i have been very impatiant with people my whole life (a few childhood memories).

I don't mean to be controlling. It is just i have really strong ideas in my head how everything is meant to go and get really wound up if it doesn't work out that way. And i have no control over showing my emotions, whether they be happy or sad emotions. Have never managed a poker face moment my entire life.

How do i stop?

Sounds like counselling may help you find out why you need to control situations.

Has something caused such an admission? Has it caused you to reflect on your behaviour?

A conversation with my sister tonight was the final confirmation.

The realisation has been creeping up for about 1-2 years

Admitting it is a good first step OP. I used to be a controlling twat, or would have been if DW wasn't as strong a personality as she is.
Is your will to dominate rooted in childhood insecurity? Mine was: bullied at school, hit and browbeaten at home, I became a tiresome arsehole as an adult. Got it fixed by not drinking, taking ADs and a bit of therapy.

Oh, and take the Baron Cohen ASD test. I'm in the mid-20s, which is sub-clinical but high enough to make me unusual.

Was told many years ago that an admittance to oneself is 51% plus of the solution. You are on the way and it will be a lifetime`s work. Best of luck. Books and counselling come to mind.

do you agree with your sister? are you reflecting or upset at what she said to you. I mean as in if you have a controlling nature, you'll take offense to it. If you're controlling you take offense but don't change. if you are genuinely appalled by how others percieve you, then you'll want to change. And you can.

She didn't say it, she was talking about her new boyfriend and how he wasn't scared of meeting the parents but was of meeting the sister.

And after a while i asked "am i controlling" to which the reply was something like "good god yes".

I have known i was bossy my whole life (really sexist term there, what positive word would it be if i was a boy?, determined, decisive, taking charge?)

I am very well into the ASD spectrum, took the home aspie test and the result was another "oh god yes"

Now i am just tired and rambling so good night.

I remember joking when i was 18 that the saddest day in any relationship is when the boyfriend says no the first time. Or is that just selfish and an entirely different thread?