my good friend is getting me down

[scarymaryme]

(sorry...bit long)
I am getting really upset with my friend...we met about a year and a half ago, our eldest dd are the same age, we met at their nursery. We got on well and became good friends. She has very strong thoughts on things and on people and their actions and is not afraid to comment either. She is also prone to mood swings which she now prewarns me about as she sometimes snaps for no reason.
She fell out with my dh,( She was "hormonal" as she put it) about 6 months ago, it was all over a cup of tea (my dh took the pee about how she made it), she stormed out the house. We fell out over it as she did over react, she apologised but not to my dh, who refuses to have anything to do with her now. Now neither of them speak, she comes around when he is not about.
My trouble is that she is always putting him down, she says he controls me (which I don't think he does)and if I have to cancel meeting her for any reason, she blames him.
I went to pick dd1 up from school, and left my ds at home with him but took my dd2 with me. All she had to say to me was "oh for god sake, your left with (dd2) again...is he allergic to babies?"
In his defence I told her it was my choice to bring her, then she replied "but you are always left with her, he doesn't let you do ANYTHING on your own"
I just feel so sad. I love my dh to bits, and she generally is a good friend, but her comments are just getting me down.

any advice??

She probably feels silly for falling out with him over a cup of tea. The only way she knows how to cope with situation is to talk about him in that way.
Maybe you need to tell her how you feel, after all she doesn't have a problem doing it to you.

if she is toxic and getting you down - criticising your husband - do you want her around??? DO you want your children hearing this woman run down their daddy????

if you want her around - you need to set some guidelines - if not - well then you need to move on.

Message withdrawn

If you want to stay friends with her I think you will just have to tell her that you love your dh and feel very hurt when she criticises him as he doesn't deserve it. Tell her it's wrong of her to keep having digs at your relationship.

Just say that for the sake of your friendship it would be best if she didn't comment on him at all. As you said, she has mood swings and does sound a bit unbalanced, but that is no reason to end the friendship.

tell her to lay off DH - say you don't appreciate her comments - so would she please keep them to herself. Tell you will have to agree to disagree about him.

I have told her not to keep on at him before, and she apologised, but she just doesn't seem to be able to help herself!

Yes it does sound a defensive action on her part due to your DH making her feel silly.

I agree that it's your 'friend' who sounds like the controlling one. Apart from anything else it is downright rude and surly of her to be constantly slagging him off - I would explain to her that she must stop criticising him or else the friendship is over.

Actually, she is quite controlling, she recently went back to work, and gets quite upset if I have other friends over.

well if she gets upset when you have other friends over then you really already know what you should do I suspect.

She sounds a bit unhinged to me!

She sounds very insecure - putting down your dh, upset if you have other friends over (jealous or worried you will find someone else to be friends with...)

Sit her down, tell her how you feel about everything, and how your friendship if making you feel.
Tell her you value her as a friend but she is making you unhappy and things need to change....

I hope that helps, good luck
xx