A new beginning, please stop me from crumbling

[wewillmendit]

I have been planning to separate from H for several months. He is controlling and a bully. I have had some very good advice from here already over these months.
H is aware of this. Due to our DD's ill health, it hasn't been the right time to move.

However, dd is now much improved, and I have found a house for us that will meet her needs re her mobility etc.

I have heard today that I have got the house! Now, this is great news, and I can't describe how relieved I am that in just a couple of weeks I will be moving out, and on with my life. However, I am very aware of the impact this will have on all involved.

I am dreading telling both dd and H. I get very emotional due to the trauma of when dd was ill. I need to be strong and not allow myself to be talked out of this. I know this will break DD's heart, she adores her daddy.
H and I remain on good terms, and I want to maintain this post split, and I hope he does too. The most important thing to me is to minimise the damage to dd, he is not so concerned about this. He is not emotionally intelligent, and does not understand why we cannot continue to remain living in the same house as friends.

I plan to tell h at the weekend, I really need to get through this week at work before I think about this.

Just concentrate on the next step along the path.

Your husband may well not understand why you cannot continue to live together as friends but you do not want that, so he has to understand that. He also has to understand that this will upset your dd but so would living a lie, living under the same roof with dd thinking you were still a happy family and not! What would happen if/when one or other of you met someone else? Better for your dd to understand now that this is what is best for you all and your h will not just go out of your lives.

Can you get some relate style counselling for yourself or some mediation to help you manage the practicalities? If your h is a bully he may take over how our dd is told and how things are planned to go. You will , presumably, want to be in control. If you have been putting up with a bully you will want to take back the control of your lives.

Try and work out amicably (with help if necessary) how you will tell your daughter and how she will see her dad. I am assuming he does not try and control her/bully her, or rather that you have worked out a safe way for things to go ahead with her not being a victim of his bullying?

All the best.

Thank you Italian, I am concerned about how he is with dd. He is controlling of her in some respects, and I am worried about the effect on her without me to smooth things out.
I have been keeping a diary of evidence, but am torn as I want them to have a good relationship. Also, I want to lessen the distress caused to dd by her having contact including overnight stays with h.
Would it be the right thing to have to go through the formal legal process?

It all feels like one big mess. I know that it is the right thing for us all, but this is just the start isn't it?