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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is there something wrong with me?

5 replies

inabunch · 21/01/2015 19:23

I have been with this guy for eight years. We have our daughters and I thought everything was going okay.

I mean things weren't ideal he is a carer for his mum who has MS and he works nights, we didn't live together (MIL didn't approve of me and he didn't want to leave her and feel guilty if anything happened), but we saw each other quite a bit, although I would have liked him to move in with me, he never would, we spoke about it but he always seemed to change the subject.

Like I said I thought everything was okay, I had a few little doubts in the back of my mind but I just assumed this was me over-analysing. I mean lately we hadn't been seeing each other as much because we had both been doing a lot of overtime at work over xmas.

He took his mum up north to see her sister on Saturday and came back alone on Sunday and everything was different. He was distant, wasn't interested in me and basically just ignored me until he went back to his on Monday. Then out of the blue he calls me yesterday and says he's leaving me. We want different things apparently (he wouldn't explain what different things) he's really sorry and still cares about me and is thankful that he met me because we have amazing DD's. I just don't get it.

Stranger still, I felt awful yesterday I was a mess, walking to get DD's after school visibly upset, it wasn't nice. Today I feel fine though, eerily calm and okay with everything I even spoke to him to make arrangements as far as the DD's seeing him and everything, and felt... Okay...

Is there something wrong with me?

OP posts:
thisisnow · 21/01/2015 19:57

Sounds like you're in shock to me, sorry that you're going through this. If you are breaking up the emotions will probably hit you once the shock wears off.

Are your DDs his children?

inabunch · 21/01/2015 20:04

Yeah both his.. Probably am in shock, to me, us being together and getting married and stuff was always a sure thing... I don't know how to describe it... I don't even really know how I'm feeling right now tbh.

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 21/01/2015 20:06

So sorry to hear this, do you have some real life support?

inabunch · 21/01/2015 20:28

Yeah my family all live up the road and we are close, and I have a few friends nearby who are there for me, but none of them really liked him really, they accepted him for mine and dd's sake, but even if it is true that I can do better or I'm better off now, its not really something I want to hear, and have heard a lot of since Tuesday and over the last 8 years and its really all people have ever said to me about it.

Have just put dds to bed and tidied up and had a bit of a cry, I feel a bit lost now tbh he would normally be coming over tonight.

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 21/01/2015 21:06

I hope you get some help from people who can understand how you feel. Can you access any counselling locally if it would help. You may need to talk this through in a non-judgemental place and it sounds like family may not always understand.

All the best for the future.

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