My abusive ex and my best friend

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I split with my emotionally abusive ex four months ago.
It was the hardest, best thing I've ever done.
I am in a good place now thanks to the support of family and friends and a couple of great therapy sessions! I feel like a better, stronger person. My whole self again.
I had a great friend when I first met him. She was one of the best friends I've ever had. She hated my ex. He hated her. She tried so hard to get me to see him for what he truly was. I was so trapped in the abuse cycle I couldn't see the wood for the trees. In the end she gave up and broke contact with me. This followed a particularly nasty incident where my ex was violent towards her.
We were NC for about three years. Then we met up for a drink and had a great time, like the old days. My ex was away at the time and to this day has no idea I'd contacted her.
After that we added each other on Facebook and have had very intermittent contact through that and through text.
I have, over the last few days been struck by the overwhelming desire to send her a message, an apology, an explanation. To let her know I've broken free from him at last and I miss her.
How would you feel if you were her and a friend you'd lost eight years ago contacted you out of the blue like this? Is it appropriate?
Sorry for the ramble. I just need a bit of perspective on this one. Thanks.

Let her know. She will be so pleased / proud of you.

I started reading that thinking you were going to say you'd found out they were dating! Glad to be wrong.

I would make contact. She obviously cared about you and, whilst you may never regain your previous closeness I think she'd like to know that you're safe, especially as you've had some contact more recently.

Definitely get in contact! She'll be ecstatic!

Send her a message and say everything you've said here. Don't expect things to go back to how they were - 8 years is a lot of water under the bridge and she may not have room in her life for the kind of friendship you had before - but I bet you £100 she will be delighted to hear this.

I'm delighted to hear this and I don't even know you! Well done OP.

Definitely do it. I'd be pleased to hear from a friend and delighted they were free.

I agree that you are unlikely to recover your friendship "as it was" but it doesn't mean that an apology/explanation wouldn't be welcome nor that something good can't be salvaged.

Best of luck and well done on getting out of it.

I would do it. I was on the receiving end of a similar experience a few years ago and I really appreciated it. Different circs in my case (friend had a serious drug problem and I eventually went NC after spending a long time trying to support / help her and it all getting too much for me), but the end result was that c10 years later she contacted me to let me know she'd sorted herself out and was sorry for the upset she'd caused at the time. I was thrilled to know she was ok and happy and I'm sure your friend will be too.

Thank you everyone.
I seem to have come over a bit tearful at the responses!
These last six months have been the worst and the best of my life.
I drew a lot of strength from the amazing women on these boards.
So thank you again. And to anyone out there who thinks you can't leave. You can, I promise.

You sound chuffing amazing

Definitely get in contact - I'm sure she'll be thrilled to hear that you've got rid of this arsehole. Fwiw, if I was in your friend's position, I'd be jumping for joy x

I'd get in contact too. She'll be chuffed. Did you have to pay him to leave in the end? I was leaving mine at same time as you and feel so much better already

Definitely get in touch and let her know! I bet she sometimes wonders how you are doing.

Hi iloverunning.

I did have to pay him in the end.
But it was all done formally through a solicitor and in the end I was almost happy to do it just to see the back of him!
Congrats on getting out as well. Feels good, doesn't it?

tell her! she will be made up x

Please contact her, I'm sure she'd love to hear from you

Do, to my shame I had a great friend who was there for me when I split from my ex, few months later and I learnt she herself was in a violent relationship as he hit her on night out in front of mutual friends,

I was still in a vulnerable place, attending counselling and had dd to worry about, I just didn't have anything in me to help her leave, we stopped talking as she didn't want to know anymore about how I was on my own and I was too afraid of my own memories to ask what was happening with her dp
I found out from friends she did leave, but then lost contact with everyone as I left my old life completely behind, went off the grid and into my own version of witness protection to get away from ex,

I wish I had away of contacting her and finding out how she is and apologising for not bbeing there for her

Yes tell her, I told my friend after 16 years, she was delighted.

The full amount? He had such a cheek! Yes it's great. So many things I couldn't do whilst with him. He is moving away

Yeah, it was pay the full amount or go to court. And I didn't have the emotional strength to go to court.
My life is just a little bit more Lidl and a little bit less Waitrose these days!
Moving away? That will be nice! Do you have DCs that he wants to see?

We have a son who is almost 1 whom he took very little interest in before he left. Once I left he suddenly became interested in him/missed him so much. He says he won't pursue access at this point, it's a battle he isn't going to fight at the moment. He has already been to solicitor to get prenup activated and directed me to Csa calculator when I asked for extra as renting very expensive here. The health visitor says the fact that he'll go to court for his money but not his child is evidence in itself. She has referred me to a domestic abuse social worker so I can get help to decide about access. I told him numerous times for a baby they suggest 2-3 shorter visits a week but he just ignored me and expected the same access he got to his daughter - once a week overnight (her mother left for the same thing) I know he won't ho through court for access to our son as he is a police sergeant and if his domestic "behaviour" was made public then his career would likely be damaged. Is your ex sharing custody? Are you ok with his access after his c@nt outburst in front of ds when you were splitting? It's so hard. My aunt was saying to me the other day I have to let him have access as there wasn't physical violence and I'm not sure how I'll explain it to ds once he is older if I don't allow access but I think stbxh has an undiagnosed untreated personality disorder so really don't know if access is in ds interests.

We are sharing residency at the moment. Four nights with me and three with the ex. Although as the ex is living with his mum at the moment I think granny is doing the bulk of the childcare. Which I'm fine with as she is a diamond. When he moves into his own place next month I think we might run into problems when he actually has to take responsibility for his own son.
I'm just trying to make sure the nights at my house are happy and secure and DS has a routine when he's with me.
Sounds like you're still having a struggle. At least you have a health visitor and social worker in your corner. Good luck getting it sorted.
Overnight stays for a one year old? It's like they're from another planet sometimes isn't it?

I'm glad granny is doing bulk of childcare and agree he will probably struggle to take responsibility for ds himself. It has been a struggle but also quite empowering that I've come so far without him. I hope everything continues to improve for you too