Advice needed on unrequited love

[PatienceOnAMonument]

Hello. Can anyone help me with a coping strategy for a coming event? I'm scared of someone recognising me so I'll keep it brief.
Married, things haven't been perfect but we are actively working through issues. Things are much improved.

However, I have fallen hard for a guy in one of my friendship groups. I've never told him, kept it to myself, I know it wouldn't be returned so I've kept it zipped.
However, there's an event coming up that he will be at with his gorgeous and actually very lovely new girlfriend. I can't get out of it, it would raise too many questions, so can anyone give me any advice on how to hold it together? I don't want to get upset, but it's going to hurt.

I should say I am working hard to get this silliness out of my stupid brain, I am, but it's taking a while. I don't want to react in anyway or sit there po-faced. Or hide in the loos crying. I just don't. What do I do?

If it's going to be that difficult to see him why don't you just not go? Can't you just plead illness or something

Maybe you need to see it to make you realise how daft you are being, I mean he has a g/f, you have a husband, shame for your OH.

If you want to stay married then invest your time thinking ways of improving that relationship, that's the real one, not the one in your head.

What is a 'friendship group'? If these are people you see socially and you have the hots for one of them, then I'd try to steer clear of the group for a while and meanwhile give yourself a slap with a large wet fish until you wake up and see you are being a very silly girl.

I really feel for you. Was in this situation severely a few months ago myself. Here's what helped me:

Supportive friend who knew the situation and would tell me to behave myself
Keeping limited contact
Any contact made was strictly business and didn't digress
Giving myself a reality check I.e how would I feel if dp did the same to me etc

It didn't help that in my situation I knew the guy in question was very attracted to me, as he'd told me enough times. It was dangerous territory and I made the decision to stop it. You have to start coping by knowing that you are a beautiful person in your own right and that he is like any other guy with his own issues, no matter how good he seemed in the friendship group. I've personally since learnt that the guy who I had fallen for had severe anger issues, didn't have a great way of dealing with females, and had his head turned easily. Those things aren't exactly attractive. It's been months now and things are a lot better for me since I cut a lot of the contact. Instead of crying like I used to and feeling utterly depressed, I walk around him like I don't care, I'm proud of myself for not being stupid anymore and in a way it's made our friendship stronger and more decent. He knows the boundaries and so do I.
Cut the contact, keep busy as hell and as sad as it sounds, invest in some nice treats for yourself. I promise you things won't always be this awful and that you will feel better soon. Pm me if you need to.

Thank you Miranda - thats very kind.

Just to be clear - I'm not proud of this, I didnt mean for it to happen and I have reduced contact etc. I think about him all the time. I know it will pass but until it does, its hard. Its a group of friends, some I'm very close to, and if I suddenly stopped hanging out with them, it would be very obvious. People would ask why, I'd have to make something up. I think one friend suspects and if I suddenly disappeared, I think she would know... The event is a small wedding so I really can't not go.

My priority is to protect my marriage. My OH will be with me at the event so it'll make me feel even worse if I get upset. Which I'm going to try very hard not to do...

Well just avoid talking to this man at the wedding and focus your attention on other people.
What is not clear from your post is if you and him have some history and there has been more than you admiring him from afar. Does he know you have a massive crush? If not then that's better and keep it that way!
As the PP said, you need to realise he is not sex on legs or whatever you think he is- he's a guy with loads of flaws just like all of us and TBH a few dates with him ( not suggesting that) would give you a reality check! You are mooning over him because you can't have him.

If you really think you are on the verge of crying or something because you see this man with his girlfriend then I think you ought to have some counselling where you can discuss all of this and get it out in a confidential setting. Talking to a stranger will give it some reality, and if you are unhappy with your DH then you could discuss that too.

The event is a small wedding so I really can't not go.

Of course you can "not go". Fake an illness - food poisoning or something and send your husband on his own.

Unless it's your sister or something, then frankly, the bride & groom won't really care.

Other option is arrive as late as you can so you can slip in the back at the church/ceremony and go and do the wedding line. & then say you are feeling dreadful and have to leave.