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Original poster

Need your POV on "ill" DH and expectation when off work

14 replies

confusedmum2one · 18/10/2006 11:56

Hi

Sorry for a post on what must seem very pathetic but I really need a raincheck on my thoughts - am I being too harsh?

DH, DD and I all have the cold. DH phoned in sick today because his head was all congested and he couldn't face the 1 hr drive to work. I got up and did all usual things and kept DD as quiet as possible so he could have a lie in. I'm feeling rough too.
He got up at 9.30 and logged into work, I make him breakfast and fetch cold medicine. At 11.30 he closed work laptop and got dressed and is now lounging around and reading/doing his hobby. I asked him if he'd feed DD her lunch and he gave a groan and told me I should just carry on as usual and pretend he's not here !
I agree that he's not feeling well but he's forgetting that I'm feeling rough too but I can't have a "day off" because I'm still on maternity leave (yes I appreciate that looking after my 9 month old DD isn't the same as going to the office to do a full days work).

So, should I just tip toe round him all day or am I reasonable to ask him to help with DD at times today?

Thanks

OP posts:
LucyJones · 18/10/2006 11:58

I think he should help. I have the exact same issues with my dh. He often takes annual leave to do his hobby but as a SAHM I have no annual leave

throckenholt · 18/10/2006 12:10

remind him that you are ill too - and it will be much better for him to help you - as he won't like having to deal with you getting increasingly angry and resentful that hs isn't.

hollyj · 18/10/2006 12:11

"yes I appreciate that looking after my 9 month old DD isn't the same as going to the office to do a full days work"

No, it's lot more work than sitting in an office and taking a break whenever you want. He's being very selfish (he's well enough to do his hobby) and I think you should give him what for!

BloodyTenaLady · 18/10/2006 12:15

Sorry but this happens in my household too. He is rarely unwell but it just happened that we were both ill with different ailments.
I dropped on my knees before he got out of bed to sit quietly with ds4 at the time in front of telly.

Blokes just dont get it and theres no point in trying to explain these things, god knows Ive been trying for years and it just doesnt compute.

The answer back would normally be, well what would you do if I had gone to work anyway..

The truth is, probably call him home to look after ds.

Cashncarry · 18/10/2006 12:45

Hi Confused. Yup - been there, got angry, got nowhere 'cos they bugger off and do what they like while we seeth and swear under our breath! Just a thought but it might be an idea to avoid ruction today while you're all feeling crap.

Could you negotiate with him i.e. if you do lunch and early afternoon while he naps/lies on sofa feeling sorry for himself/plays solitaire, then swap over and he does late afternoon and dinner while you try to gather your strength?

Of course this might not be feasible if he never really does anything with DD AND you really shouldn't have to negotiate about something like this but it might mean you get a nap...

I hope you feel better soon xx

Original poster
confusedmum2one · 18/10/2006 12:45

Thanks for your replies. I wasn't sure if I was being out of order!

Would you really ask DH to take a day off to look after you and DC? wow I've never even thought of that even when I had the D & V bug for two days solid when DD was 5 wks old. Maybe I feel like I have to get on with it anyway because I bfeed?

Guess what, after my reminder that I'm not well either he's got his work laptop out again! Then asked me what's for lunch! I'm in two minds whether to take DD out to local coffee shop alone!

OP posts:
wannaBe1974 · 18/10/2006 12:48

tell him "oh nothing, after all, I'm supposed to be pretending you're not here"

NotQuiteCockney · 18/10/2006 12:50

Oh dear ... "what's for lunch?". Not good.

My DH has taken time off work to help me with the kids when I've been really ill. He's also taken over taking them to school etc.

If he's well enough to do his hobby, he's well enough to help.

JodieG1 · 18/10/2006 12:58

I agree with the others. I breastfed but dh still took time off work to help when really needed. I would sleep/rest trying to get better while he looked after baby, he'd bring baby to me when he needed feeding.

joelallie · 18/10/2006 13:15

I've said it before and I'm sure I'll say it again (even when people tell me to shut up - men (some - don't wish to generalise too much) beleive that they have some god given right to sit on their arses and do whatever it is that makes them happy. That comes first - and the other chores that need doing come a poor second. Women (some - don't wish to generalise again) do things the other way round - whatever time is left over at the end of the chores is theirs to relax with assuming there is any which there usually isn't. Neither position is particuarly healthy - Martha and Mary syndrome I call it.

Being ill just seems to emphasise this IME. In my house anyway. I've been known to be up sorting the washing with a raging temperature and a sore throat - 'cos I can't relax until it's done. DH has been known to fester in a pit of dirty sweaty sheets 'cos he's too 'ill' to get up and change them

WorryWorryWorry · 18/10/2006 14:06

"If he's well enough to do his hobby, he's well enough to help"

If he's well enough to do both of those, he should damn well be at work

USAUKMum · 18/10/2006 14:32

My DH home today ill, but he has been helping out with DS. Though he gets rest time too. Actually both DH & DS now napping Will leave DS here while I go get DD from school.

If I am feeling really rough, I call DH at work and get him to come home early. HE has taken time off when I've been ill, but I did have a temp of 40C and couldn't move he went back when temp was down to 38C.

Especially if all of you are sick, I don't think you are being unreasonable at all!

Rookiemum · 18/10/2006 16:04

confusedmum2one - I hope you went out to the coffee shop in the end, just like DH wasn't there, I liked that plan, it had style & deviousness ......

Bozza · 18/10/2006 16:06

TBH if you can go out to a coffee shop and he can work and do hobbies neither of you are really that bad. But that certainly does not mean that you should be waiting on him.

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