Please advice

[jinx12]

Hi,

I have been married for 2 years now. There is one thing that disturbs me everyday, and unfortunately there is nobody but you friends with whom I can share this..

The only man in my life is my husband. I did not have any past relationships and was a virgin before marriage. But, my husband has had so many relationships before our marriage, one-night stands..he told me all this after our marriage. He had a girlfriend even when my family and his family were exploring maritial possiblilities between us. Ours is an arranged marriage.
It really hurt me a lot when I came to know this and till now I am unable to forget this. I tried a lot but it keeps bothering me. I trust him and love him more than anything. he also loves me very much..but this one thing keeps coming on my mind everyday..

Please help me out..

Hi Jinx
Not sure I have much to offer by way of experience, but I can imagine why this is hard for you.

It may be more of a cultural thing that it's 'more OK' for men to have previous girlfriends etc, I don;t know.
What's important is that he is now with you, and that should all be left behind if possible.

Can you talk to him about this at all? have you had any discussions about what you both expect from marriage?

Provided you believe that his previous relationships are truly all in the past, there really is no point in letting this upset you - you can't do anything to change 'history', but you CAN control the way you let yourself feel about it.

Thanks for the instant reply!

Actually, I haven't talked to him about this..cause we are already facing some problems with his work..and I don't want to increase his tension and worries by saying this.

He is no longer in touch with any of his past girlfriend's. First I thought that it's just the matter of time and soon I will forget all this and move on..but now it has already been 2 years and I am unable to take it off my head I can't discuss this with my mom and sis and cause them pain.Actually I am a kind of girl, who will suffer but will never disclose her sorrows to the one she loves.

I guess you are right.."you can't do anything to change 'history', but you CAN control the way you let yourself feel about it."

Thanks again friend!

message withdrawn

Well, Jinx, I had a few boyfriends before I met my dh (well, I was 35 ) and various flings too. But that doesn't mean I don't love my husband, feel 100% committed to him and our family, and wouldn't dream of being unfaithful to him (the idea fills me with horror and revulsion, actually). I am sure your husband feels like I do. I think it was a shame he told you the details of his past life, to be honest, but what is done is done. Those women have NOTHING to do with you, just as my old boyfriends (and my dh's old girlfriends) have nothing to do with our relationship. Can you pinpoint exactly what it is that bothers you about his past? It might help to recognise what exactly worries you - or alternatively you might have to make a deliberate attempt to put intrusive thoughts out of your mind whenever they pop up.

I have a much more racey past than my DH, he says it only matters that it made me the terrific person that he loves today.
Try to put a positive spin on it perhaps, you have married someone who knows about relationships, sex and how to treat someone whom he cares about. He has chosen to settle with you rather than carry on with his past habits, this is what you should concentrate on as it you he has picked over everything else...
Hope you feel better about everything soon
xx