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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Why can't it just be over:(

5 replies

eeyoreisgloomy · 21/01/2015 07:08

Hello, try to be brief. Left emotionally abusive husband who is also a bully, over 18 months ago. I divorced him, it has been awful and he has made everything really difficult and not given an inch on anything. An agreement was finally reached, consent order signed and approved by court, I have done what was required of myself in the order - he hasn't and its over the specified time limit within which he should have. It makes me so cross, I am coming out of this with very little and the little I am due(which will enable myself and dcs to move on - it's pennies to him but will make a difference to us) he is withholding:( is this normal? I thought it was all almost over but he is still dragging it out, I am finding it difficult:( not sure what I am asking but it's helped to write it down, any advice appreciated:)

OP posts:

Charlie97 · 21/01/2015 07:11

I have no advice, only I work in financial services and see this time and again.

It's so upsetting, frustrating and wrong, it's a power thing.

All I can offer is and

Original poster

eeyoreisgloomy · 21/01/2015 07:14

Oh, so it's not unusual then:( just makes the consent order seem pointless - I did my bit 'immediately' as I was threatened with contempt of court if I didnt:( thank you for the reply:)

OP posts:

tribpot · 21/01/2015 07:55

Probably because it's a way for him to continue to exert control over you. From his perspective as a bully, why should it be over?

Presumably if you were threatened (by him?) with contempt of court you can do the same back, have you spoken to your solicitor?

The most important change you can make, though, now that you're free of the daily emotional abuse, is to recognise that everything he does is a game. Don't expect to be able to engage with him as two rational adults wanting the best for your children - if that's who he was he wouldn't have been bullying you.

You might find the Freedom Programme useful. Well done on having made the break.

Original poster

eeyoreisgloomy · 21/01/2015 08:00

That makes sense, thank you. He has had no thought for the children in any of the legal process, they have not entered his mind and he has done everything he can to ensure I walk away with nothing, but then he expects to have a conversation with me about birthday gifts, like everything is ok and nothing has happened? my solicitor advised me I would be in contempt of court if I did not complete my forms. It's rubbish, I am struggling again, but your words make perfect sense tribpot,thank you:)

OP posts:

theoldtrout01876 · 21/01/2015 22:43

Im 12 years in and its still happening to me :(

Hes had me back in court 4 times in those 12 years to have things changed and lost his case in my favor every time. He hasnt complied with anything. I used to get upset but now I just accept that him dragging me into court is just a control thing.We have been nc for all of the 12 years and he is still SO angry it blows my mind.

Mind you the last trip to court,3 months ago, was worth every second of the stress it caused just to see him get his come uppence :o

Note to ex asshole h DO NOT piss off a judge by trying to lie to him cos you are not smart enough to do it right :o

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