Need Some Help Please

[SadNUpset]

I dont even know where to begin,
Last night me and dh has a really big argument over how he had come in from work eat his dinner then did nothing but go on his exercise machine, and watch tv, while i was busy tiding up all the mess as usual (which he created clothes thrown on the floor in the living room and hall and shoes chucked all over the kitchen from when he came in) i was also doing the ironing as we have only just come back from being on holiday.
He sits there and is like i did the dishes so your not getting any help ( he only washed the ones in the sink, not the worktop or on the dining room) so this turns into a full argument regarding a few other issues how mil treats ds i.e. allowing him to weight bear from the day that he was born despite asking on several occasions not too (just got told that i was silly and she knew better) also the other day she came round and had a glass of water drank out of it and hadnt washed her hands or anything then started sticking her fingers in the water and putting it in ds's mouth (didnt say anything at the time as i didnt know what to say) maybe i should have kept my mouth shut i dont know anymore.
So dh decides that he wants out then here is the best bit says that i will never have my son as soon as he gets access to him he will take him away from me!
At this point i left the room as i was so angry, he does this everytime we argue (only been married for a month) he thinks it will calm me down if he decides to leave etc etc i finally went to talk to him and remind that just because you argue doesnt mean you should spilt up and the marority of marriages have their ups and downs and need effort from both sides, he agreeed and we apologise.
Now i dont know where to go from here i am now frightened to have another argument incase he takes my ds away from me. He also can me a Hypochondriac because i am taking ds to the doctor today to have his medicine changed for his reflux. I just feel like a failure and that no matter i do it wont be good enough.

Yes, I have huge arguments with dh too, and been much worse since baby came 11 months ago. Have really hated him at times and can find nothing right about him, feel like married wrong person sometimes. Tired, and baby is big change in lives plus we moved house, so lots of stress. I think it is gradually getting a bit better now, but boy, do we both lose it when we argue.

Am sure your dh doesn't mean he will take ds away, just the thing he knows will hurt you most. Best advice is: talk about the issues such as your mil and help with housework when you are NOT in an argument. Don't let issues go when you are feeling ok, but easier to see what really are issues and what is just trying to hurt someone if you are not angry. Also you are prob both a bit depressed coming back from hol. When I went on hol in summer with dh, we spent whole time arguing for 2 weeks in Crete! But actually things were better when we got back, because we also talked when we were not in arguing mood.

Glad you both apologised, but issues which are real issues won't go away.

Sending you hugs SadNUpset, I know how you must be feeling. No words of wisdom to give you really, just to let you know you are not alone. Whenever me and DH have words he always very rudely says to me "well why are you here then", or "Idon't know why I bother", hurtful words I know but I am beginning to see it as some kind of insecurity he is feeling. Makes me pretty p**d off though when I hear of other DHs actually talking to their wives instead of just being on the attack. As for taking DS away that really is threatening talk. How does a man take a child away??? Mothers nearly always get custody unless there is a huge problem with the Mum. Thinking of you. Maybe he is immature, however, in my opinion no matter what age these so called men are some of them seem totally unable to grow up.

I know about the custody thing and i told him that he said well i will still get acess and thats all i need! The issue lies with his family who live on our door step i shouldnt say a bad word against any of them even when they are in the wrong grandmother il even came out with "do you think you are capable of feeding him yourself for 6 months" just after ds was born and i was breastfeeding him!