Giving up TTC for now, it's a sad day for us.

[SuasSios]

This is more a "get-it-off-my-chest-before-I-burst" post than anything. I've been with my husband for 8 years. We've been married for 4. We've been TTC for 2.5 and we're not getting anywhere. My husband has occasional erectile difficulties. For want of a better phrase, it can be hit or miss. This is upsetting and frustrating for both of us, but we talk about it, and we take a break from the (what can seem like) scheduled/on-demand sex, and spend time together just being a couple. I would hand-on-heart say that I love this man, and I know he loves me, so this isn't a LTB issue. To add to the pressure, I have an auto immune illness, and had to come off meds to TTC. I am now at the stage where we've decided I will go back on them (I've been unwell the last 6 months, on and off). I can come off them again in a year or two, and if I did happen to fall pregnant on them (which isn't technically advised), it wouldn't necessarily be the worst thing that could happen.

I just feel so sad today, that we don't have our family yet, and that while neither of us are to blame, time is going against us. I have to ring my doctor later, so wanted to write all this down, and get it out, before bawling at him

Yay! I'll be your pompom waver! It can be done! X x x

Well done SuasSios, it is really easy to feel downhearted on TTC. But you have to keep battling and it is worth just keeping going.

I had a year's break half-way through a marathon of fertility treatment, and truthfully it didn't make me feel any better - just more frustrated, if I'm honest. I thought I would get fit and calm... not exactly. However, maybe with your illness it would be different with you.

Finding out about whether your hormones are ok and his sperm is ok is easy to establish, so you might as well do that.

Then research the best place you can find and go and see them asap if you can afford it. Treat it like getting the best you can afford...as if you were a very picky shopper. I was too compliant and accepting when I first started IVF at my local hospital. A couple of years that I couldn't afford went by before a friend took me by the lapels and said 'But Poppy, where's the BEST place, go to the BEST one - you're worth it!!!' So I changed hospitals. Result: Two lovely babies.

Be determined and dig in. Good luck!

One clinic rang me back today, the staff member had checked with their consultant about my illness, and they'd be happy to deal with me. So, I might make an appointment to have a preliminary consultation with them in March. I have to go private, which is a consideration, but even for a bit of peace of mind, it would be money well spent.

It actually sounds like AI or IUI might be a solution for you, you may not need IVF. Good luck.

suas as others have said, many fertility issues are easily solved.
If your DH has issues, IVF is an excellent option for sperm issues.
I would agree that IVF once you are in it, is really not that bad, like most things, the idea of it seems so much worse than the reality.
I would also 2nd the idea that autoimmune issues and infertility/Mcs are very closely linked as your body has to effectively accept a foreign body (50% your DH's DNA) in order to allow the fetus to implant so please don't ignore that. Again, can be very easily resolved with the right treatments. Good luck, long term TTC is really awful and I sympathise.

SolomonDaisy what makes you recommend AI or IUI? The results are awful and that's without additional complexities like autoimmune issues.

Sorry to gatecrash your thread OP, but thanks to other posters for the really excellent information here.
We are 2.5 years into ttc#2 (DD is 5), I have one blocked tube which may or may not be an issue.
We are the same age as you and your partner. I think we're going to have one go at private IVF this year.

My advice is it's ok to feel sad, and to wallow in it a bit sometimes. Seek out some friends (real life or online) you can have a moan to about it - it really helps, especially when dealing with a whole raft of pregnancy announcements!

IVF is a game of diminishing returns, so bring in the Big Guns early and go to the place with the best results.

OP, for autoimmune stuff ARGC in London is seriously world class and they also have the best results in the country. Alternatively there are fertility doctors who specialise in women with auto immune disease, such as Dr Gorgy and Dr Shehata in London. Again, amazing results even with very tricky cases including women who have had repeated losses.
PLEASE PLEASE read the book I recommended unthread "Is my body baby friendly?" as it goes into specific detail about the fertility problems which can present with auto immune issues.

I know you're in Ireland and although they may be Grwat clinics, just by virtue of it being a smaller country theyre treating less women, so pick the best there and then compare it with the treatment protocol you'd get at the best in the UK and the U.S. (It's a clinic in Chicago -Repromed I think, that have the best results and again deal with auto immune illnesses.)

Please PM me - I walked this path and lived to tell a very happy tale! X

At ARGC in London youve got an 80% chance of a live birth per cycle. That's well above what you'd expect naturally, and miles above the UK clinic average. They're expensive and it's hugely intense but it's the closes you'll get to buying your own baby, and not the financial shot in the dark that IVF can appear to be.

www.argc.co.uk/ivf-treatment-results.php

Jackie, I don't especially recommend it, I just thought it may be a possibility for the OP if the problem is her DH's erectile disfunction and she is nervous of IVF. Before people start fertility investigations they often think IVF is the only solution, but it really isn't. I know nothing about autoimmune issues, we just had fertility problems, I'm glad you're able to give the OP more specific advice, I hope it works out for her!

Please don't be too quick to assume your auto-immune disease isn't affecting your fertility. From my (not small) experience, it may be almost totally responsible for your failure to conceive. You may find that all you need are steroids instead of your usual meds to help you conceive.

Please go to your doctor. We TTC for 3 years before we fell pregnant. We did go to an NHS fertility clinic (via referral from my Doctor). They found a polyp which was easily removed, and diagnosed PCOS for which I was put on Clomid to help me ovulate.... 6 months later I was pregnant! It really might be something straight forward and worth at least sussing out your options

Thanks for all the updates- I hope I’ve included everyone below

SolomanDaisy Thank you for suggesting IUI /AI, I’ll admit that I am familiar with what these are, but not on the “mechanics” involved.

Daisychain5 and Jackiemagazine thank you for the autoimmune advice. Jackie, I will get a chance to look at the info you provided (THANK YOU) later on this morning. I’ll PM you later today also. I’ve been given names of consultants in Ireland that deal with Auto Immune issues too, which I will investigate a bit more.

threepiecesuite Thank you for sharing your story, I hope you get your BFP very soon x

DirtyDancing Thanks for letting me know about your situation, I’m so glad it worked out for you.

Morning all, I just wanted to update anyone who is still interested

I have an appointment with my specialist in February. He won't be able to help me at all re TTC but will put my mind at ease re going back on my meds and the options about coming off them in future.

My DH has an appointment with his GP, to get the ball rolling on tests etc for him. He's a bit down in general, which hasn't helped, so he's also going to chat to GP about that.

We decided that I'll go back on my meds, we'll both chill the hell out (turns out we've both been more stressed than we've been letting on to each other), and in the summer we'll make a move to speaking to a fertility clinic.

At the moment, our general health and wellbeing has to be our priority, so once we've that sorted we can move on.

There were a LOT of tears this weekend, and I am exhausted, but much more content.

Jackiemagazine my apologies. I had intended to PM you, when things went a bit haywire here with work and real life getting in the way of my MN'ing. If you don't mind, I'll send you a PM now.

Thanks everyone
SS

Have you thought of trying homeopathy OP?

I love homeopathy because with it I feel you can always do something while you dither and do nothing.

My homeopath said to that infertility is quite an easy condition to treat. ( my homeopath is also a GP but now only deals in homeopathy).

Here's a link to some stories

www.britishhomeopathic.org/bha-charity/how-we-can-help/articles/fertility-problems/

I was seriously ill before Christmas and was given five remedies and am now feeling so much better. ( I was feeling better before Xmas but my healing has been a gradual process as the homeopathy has cleared the infections from my body.)

Don't try homeopathy - it's nothing more than expensive water. Save your money for treatment that has actually been proven to work.

Good luck OP. In my case it was a serious case of underactive thyroid that caused our problems - even a reading at the higher end of the 'normal' range can be too much for some (TSH and T4). It was two and a half years, tests and miscarriage before finally being put on levothyroxine and falling pregnant six weeks later. DD is now nearly eight months. It is possible :) As a pp said, don't underestimate the impact an auto immune condition can have on your fertility. I was told my thyroid shouldn't have an impact but oh it did! I was the same age as you at the time as well and I had this horrible sense of time slipping away from me like the speed of light but really you do have time.

I also read the book by Marisa Peer 'Trying to get Pregnant and Succeeding' once I was on medication and found it very interesting. Whilst she does have a lot of product placement waffle and an overinflated opinion of herself, once you get past that there is some very useful stuff in there around our thinking of our bodies and our fertility, with some positive messaging. Also second buying the book 'Taking Charge of your Fertility' by Toni Weschler. That was such an eye opener for me!

It is so easy to get sad and angry and for this to have quite a significant negative impact on your relationship. DH at one point just was done with the whole notion of having kids. It sounds like you are taking things easy and enjoying each other which is so important.

Also recommend the MN conception and ttc boards. There is some amazing support there. Good luck