What does your dh/dp do when you're upset about something?

[emkana]

I'm getting so p*ed off with dh because he is so rubbish at responding to me being upset.

I was upset tonight because ds is ill again, I'm worried about him, and I'm worried that we won't be able to go home to Germany next week because of ds being ill.

Instead of putting his arms around me and giving me a bit of TLC dh just gets annoyed, dismisses all my worries as unfounded and basically just wants me to snap out of it pronto.

when i read the title i made the comment to myself not much

I wonder if he has the same concerns too but maybe feels he has to be the strong one? My Dh is quite good but often adopts a bit of a macho stance. I think men's skin is a lot thicker than ours!
Tell him you feel down and need a hug and see if he justs needs a poke to get him going!

maybe he feels a bit helpless about it all and finds it difficult to react any other way. NO excuse for his behaviour of course, if you want and need love and support. Men imo tend to either try and problem solve, or dismiss. Some find it difficult to empathise. Can you speak to friends?

I think it is the dh/p way, emkana. They like tangible problems with actual solutions, not messy emotional nightmares. So sorry to hear that ds is poorly. I guess at this stage (not wanting to be dh-ish about it) there's just no way to know whether he will be well enough to travel, you'll just have to take it as it comes. Easy for me to say, of course, but I do know that in life with a person with a chronic condition, it is necessary to (a) plan to the nth degree and (b) be prepared to abandon plans at the last minute because sickness cannot be controlled. A bloody awful set of circumstances in other words.

Not sure about the snapping out of it bit, but I do think again that dh/p's like to deal with actualities and not possibilities. They are not the planners and thinkers, to use someone's (F&Z's?) immortal phrase on another thread recently.

However, feel free to rant here on MN! We understand!

tribpot, I keep meaning to ask you, and I'm so sorry I don't know this: What is your dh's condition?

I so understand exactly what you are talking about. Sometimes when I just need a bit of a hug, he just gets a bit, well, nasty in a snap out of it type of way. It's like if I am nice to you it is giving in and 'weak'. Pah who needs them?

God emkana, how can you not know that, am shocked that with everything else you have to contend with, you have not memorised the condition of the husband of a complete stranger

He (probably) has fibromyalgia but the pain team here have rubbished the diagnosis (went head-to-head with very senior consultant lady on this, personally I think I won, but hey, am merely patient advocate so never mind that). He definitely has sleep apnoea but unfortunately because of the chronic pain the sleep help is of limited use. Also because of ds' habit of being up at all hours we are all suffering chronic fatigue and it's a daily battle between "you have sleep apnoea / I have to work full-time" - joy.

I should say I do not compare my situation to yours, it is a hell of a lot easier to have a sick partner than a sick child, and when I offer advice it's purely where I think there is common ground.

THanks for filling me in!

I'm always grateful for people's advice and experiences!

Hope the little one is better soon - that's the main thing. The nuns are keeping him in their prayers!

Creeps about the place like one leg of a spider, with this hangdog look on his face, overtly "trying not to upset me" as if I was a dangerous dog. It pisses me right off.

Greeny

I am married to his brother.