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Original poster

If your oarents live more than 300 miles away...

25 replies

emkana · 17/10/2006 20:12

... how often do you see them?
How long are your/their visits?
Do you go with dh and the kids, or just you and the children?

OP posts:

mrsflowerpot · 17/10/2006 20:19

Not often enough. Actually, my parents aren't quite that far away but dh's are - they are both a 4 hour plus drive away. We do the occasional weekend getting there late on Fri and travelling back with kids in pjs on Sunday night, but mostly go for up to a week in holidays, which is all very well but means we aren't at home as much as I would like. And it's mostly us that visit them - my dad is ill and doesn't travel, and the ILs have a cat that they won't leave (don't ask).

Before ds was at school I often went just with him in the week (to both sets actually, not just to mine) but school obviously makes us alot less flexible.

I hate being so far away - we relocated last year which put us further away from both sets (we were 150 miles from each before) and the extra distance is a big drag.

Original poster

emkana · 17/10/2006 20:21

Do you go every holiday?

OP posts:

Kittypickle · 17/10/2006 20:22

DH's parent's are in Spain. They have seen DD 4 times in nearly 8 years and DS once (he is 3) DH went for a weekend in the summer as MIL was seriously ill. She used to come over here to England but for shopping trips.

However facing death firmly in the face this summer she has had a long hard look at her priorities and it seems that the children are now back on them.

bananaloaf · 17/10/2006 20:22

dh parents live over 300 miles away, his father has vever been to see us and his mother was last here over 4 years ago. we last visited last summer. they have yet to see ds2 who is 7 months. doesnt seem to bother dh though. mmmm does that mean i wont be visited by my dss when they are married with kids

CreepyCrawlyCarmenere · 17/10/2006 20:22

Emkana my parents live in Ireland and I visit them about every two/three months and they come over here about twice a year. I usually go with just dd as my dp works ridiculously hard.

Waswondering · 17/10/2006 20:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrsflowerpot · 17/10/2006 20:26

We usually go in the main holidays at least for a few days to each. In the summer we went to each for a week. I'd rather do 'little and often' tbh as it does cut into any family time we have in the holidays, but at the moment it is just so far for a weekend. It's actually a big consideration in our deliberations over whether to stay down here longer term (bizarre as we spent our 20s getting as far away as we could...)

disemboweledbint · 17/10/2006 20:29

my dad lives in france. he comes here once a year, we go there once a year. could go more often. but don't particularly like my step mother.

Ellbell · 17/10/2006 20:32

My parents are an 6-8-hour drive away (depending on loo-/food-stops!).

They come to us more than we go to them. They normally come here for Christmas, for both dds' birthdays (March and May) and often at other times too (e.g. in the summer sometime, or if I have to be away for some reason they come and stay for a few days to be here for the kids, or if they are going away somewhere and can vaguely construe my house as being 'on the way'!). I visit them probably about 3 times a year on average. Normally it's just me and the dds as dh works funny shifts and can't always get weekends off. (I don't work - or can work flexibly - in school hols, so sometimes go down for a week or so in the hols, when dh is working.) But dh probably comes down once a year on average. This summer the dds went and stayed with my parents on their own for a couple of weeks (my parents collected them - they didn't actually travel alone). They loved it (I didn't ). This summer was a bit odd as we moved house, dh was away on a course, my childminder was on holiday herself and my parents having the girls allowed me to get things sorted in the house, which was great. But in future the girls may well stay with my parents alone for a week in the summer holidays. As you can probably tell from all this, I get on quite well with my parents and - most importantly - they and the dds adore one another. The only disadvantage (for me) is that when my parents come to stay it's normally for at least 4-5 days, as the journey is so long, and I do find that I find them a bit tiresome by the end of that time. I love them to bits and all that, but I outgrew actually living with them some time ago! I'd much prefer them to be local so that I could see them, say, every week, but just for a couple of hours at a time.

Sorry this is so long. I seem to have written an essay

grumpyfrumpy · 17/10/2006 20:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 17/10/2006 20:35

Mine live about 5,000 miles away.

They have a home here, however, and come over about 3-4 times/year, often for 3 weeks or more.

We see my sister, BIL and her kids 2x/year.

AuldAlliance · 17/10/2006 20:47

We moved to the S of France after 10 yrs of island life in the Indian Ocean. Amongst other reasons, I wanted DS to know my parents and Scotland, and to get more contact with English. We're prob about 1,400 miles away from my folks (very rough estimate). My Mum has been to visit 4 or 5 times in the year we've been here, my Dad twice. We've been to their place twice (one with DH and DS, once just DS and me). Bizarrely (or not, given MIL's character), we've seen MIL less (3 times in all) though she's only about 300 miles away. HTH.

Ags · 17/10/2006 21:36

My family live in Ireland, me in Kent and this year we have managed to see eachother approximately every 6 weeks. Most of the visits have been them coming here but we were there at Easter and in August for 10 days each visit. Mum was over for 3 weeks helping me in Feb after birth of dd. We all (including my brother and sister-in-law) went on holiday for a week to France in September. They have just been over for 3 days for my dh's 40th and we will be over at end of the month for Dad's 65th and we are going over for Christmas. Jesus! We sound like the waltons!

Dread to think how often the parents will be over next year as Dad retires on Jan 6th! Just as well my dh loves them!

Emkana, why did you ask the question? Whats your situation?

Dragonhart · 17/10/2006 22:44

My PIL live 4 hours drive away (just under 300 miles) and we see them about once every 6 weeks. They are both retired so when they come to see us it is for about a week, but when we go to see them it is mostly for a weekend. This year I went with DS (nearly one at the time) and stayed in the week while DH came home to work then came back for the weekend after.

My dad lives 7 hours drive away (in Inverness - sorry not sure how far that is) and we only see him about 3 times a year. We usually drive up there once for 4-5 days, then he comes down with his partner twice, usually on flying visits where he tries to see us, my brother and sister and their families and my nan(his mum). Takes loads of holidays with his partner, sees her family all the time, but sdoesnt seem to have much time to take off to see us. Pisses me off but you cant do much can you. Had a go at him afew times as preg with second grandchild and sister also preg now but guess he is just too much under the thum of new partner.

My mum lives very near (5 mins away) and we see lots of her.

Judy1234 · 17/10/2006 23:08

For nearly 20 years we took the children up to our parents, much more than they ever came down here. At first it was because siblings were up there etc. It never felt quite fair. We went at Christmas and in the summer and usually at Easter too and they might come down here once may be more in the year. It varied over the years. My father used to call up apologising and saying he felt guilty at the lack of visits to us - very set in his ways, just worked all the time but was happy with that so it didn't bother me but I would have liked it if they'd been more like other grandparents.

paddingtonbear1 · 17/10/2006 23:11

My in-laws live a 3 hour drive away. We take it in turns - one month they visit us for a weekend, the next we go to them. DD is fine in the car fortunately! At xmas we now tend to go to their house as it's huuge and my dad comes too (mum died 2 years ago). My dad lives nearer, 1 1/2 hrs drive and he often comes to see us.

Drusilla · 17/10/2006 23:19

My parents live 200 miles away - I go for a week or so every couple of months. They have been to us but my mum can't drive and my dad has been ill last few years so is quite a struggle for them. I know they would come to us more often if they could. PILS used to live 250 miles away in UK, now live abroad. They have NEVER come to us. We live 20 mins drive from major airport but they expect us to go to them and we can't afford it at the mo. Why do you ask emkana?

TortUREoiseChamber · 17/10/2006 23:19

My parent moved to Turkey a year ago and we haven't seen them since they left. My 4 dc miss them as do i.
I can't afford passports for me and the 4 dc and my parents don't have an income yet so can't visit us.

Californifright · 17/10/2006 23:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

suedonim · 17/10/2006 23:40

Our family is about 600 miles away (when we're in UK, am currently living abroad). We all used to visit twice a year if poss but it's more like annually, nowadays. They rarely came to us. If they'd been just a bit over 300 miles away I'd have gone every holiday, I imagine.

AnguaVonUberwald · 18/10/2006 09:29

Parents 250 miles away, go and visit them 2/3 times a year. They never used to come and visit me but now I live close to central london, they seem to manage it about twice a year.
DP's parents live in ireland. We visit them about 4 times a year. They have not been to England since we met, and I honestly think the only time they will come over again is for our wedding.

UnquietDad · 18/10/2006 09:35

Mine live about 3 hours away and we see them maybe 4 times a year - we always visit for 2-3 days at least. DW's parents are 40 miles away and we see them at least once a month, or at least she and the children do, usually for just a day at a time.

KTeepee · 18/10/2006 09:36

The more children we have, the less often we go! The fact that 2 are at school now also curtails when we can go. Usually go around 4 times a year (but will only be three times this year). My mother comes over a couple of times, my father once at the most, in-laws once or twice. One of my sisters visits at least twice and the other once. So we rarely have more than 2 months without seeing anyone but can sometimes go 4-6 months between our own visits.

puddle · 18/10/2006 09:38

Two or maybe three times a year. We're lucky though in that we have lots of family and friends all in the same area, albeit a long way from here, so it's worth us making the trip.

I go on my own with the kids at least once a year.

dmo · 18/10/2006 09:44

my dh's parents live 10 mins away by car and we see them about 3 times a year (thats us going to them) they dont really like children and always drop boys b/day presents off at night when boys are in bed the night b4 their birthday.

rest of family live in ireland and we see them more

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