Outsiders perspective needed .. Do I keep on making the effort?

[Firstpregnancy2014]

I thought I'd bullet point this just to make it easier!

• I'm 22, had an amazing childhood with a really close family. Saw my grandad ( my mums dad ) every sunday
• found out I was pregnant in March. All family really excited for me and my partner of 5 years
• in August when I was 6 month pregnant my grandma died suddenly ( my dads mum)
• 18 hours later my mum hung herself
• completely unexpected we had no idea of any bad thoughts she was having
• basically the worst year of my life- and I had to plod along being pregnant. Knowing I had no one left to ask for help ( my dads amazing but I really thought my mum would be there for me when ?baby arrived)
• my mums mum is around and I saw her every Sunday but I wouldn't really call her for advice
• basically since my mums funeral my grandad ( mums dad ) hasn't spoke to me. I've rung him lots. Won't answer, I've tried going round- didn't answer. I had the baby in November and he hasn't said a word to me: iv spoke to my gran about it and she said he's finding it hard as I remind him of my mum so he won't come see me
• now my gran won't see me cause she said she feels uncomfortable and unfair on him
• I feel so lost this time last year my life was perfect: now they won't speak to me? How do I sort this? Am I being unreasonable to want them around ? Do I need to give him more space ? I need my mum more than anyone in the world right now she'd know what to do :(

Oh goodness what a terrible time you've had. Poor you.

The way your grandparents are acting is hurtful, but it is their choice: you cannot change them. However wrong it may be, they get to choose what they want to do.

You can tell them how you feel, but you can't make them change.
You could say: "I love you 2 and I want you in my life, particularly now, and I am beyond hurt that you don't want to see me or DC."
Then let it drop and let them choose what they want to do.

You may unfortunately not get the result that you want.

Is your boyfriend a supportive father and partner to you?

Oh Dear! Oh Dear! Goatsdoroam gave you a good advice. I would add: focus on yourself, your partner and the baby and your DAD. You are the new family. Make sure you are all strong. It is not easy: you have to come to terms with all the losses you are experiencing. Did you consider getting some help- to accept your mum's death and GP's death and overcome them? I think you need to think about your dad. He also needs help. His mum and wife died! You have to mourn both of you these deaths. Take time to bereave. Now the grandparents: I really do not know how I would have tackled them. I think just leave them out of the equation as at now. Adjust to your new family ( it is: you your dad your P and the baby) and shelter them from the grandparents behavior. This behavior might bring you to connect the pregnancy to your mum's tragic death. Don't let this happen. In fact I have harsh thoughts about your grandparents and I will stop this post: it is not fair- I do not even know them. I am just fearing how their attitude might impact your new family- regardless of whether this fear is well founded or not. It is really not fair on them on you who clearly want the family to be together again. Big hugs!

I'm sorry your life has been so radically changed by such terrible events. I'm sorry for all your losses.

Sounds like everyone is struggling to cope in their own separate ways and managing to make things worse in the process. Such a pity when families fall apart rather than hold together in the face of tragedy but I think it happens more than is appreciated.

Would echo the advice to seek bereavement counselling. Your first obligation is to yourself, your partner and your child. Looking after each other and dealing with the emotional upheaval is your #1 priority. You are the nucleus and you matter most. Other people have to deal with their own problems and come around in their own time.

Best of luck

What a shocking year. For all of you.

Congratulations on your baby and I hope you get loads of comfort from spending time with them.

In regards to your grandparents, they have lost their child. To suicide. They may not be able to cope enough to help you. I don't think it is a conscious betrayal of you and your baby, or of your father but a inability to cope. This could change over time but it might not.

Tread gently and love your dad and baby and take some time to come to terms with the shock of losing your mum and grandmother so close together. Are you and your dad receiving any bereavement counselling or reading any literature that might help?