just wondering is blood thicker than water

[bloodandwaterthiker]

I/we have a number of issues with in laws.

I have just read on aibu that a dh is going on holiday to spain with inlaws.
then his dm wants to go too, but dw doesn't want to spend two weeks with mil,....she agrees that mil is fine,no problems ..... but just wants to be with her family. yet her dh is spending 2 weeks with her family...his inlaws....

this rang a bell with me.
my sil has berated all incomers to her family, only "liking" those blood related.

she has ranted and raved at me, ...and another sil , and a son-in-law over the years, yet never said a cross word to her own siblings.
I fact she screamed at my dh that she "never want to speak or see me again".

my dh explained that she suffers with "nerves", but is it simply that you are used to siblings behaviour and make excuses "that's how they are" yet for non blood related family members, they are the worst people to walk the earth.
(sil told dh she "still wants to speak to him but not me")

dh adopted two dc many years ago, yet sil has never sent them a birthday/Christmas card etc, hasn't seen/asked about them for 2 decades, yet wants her own dc to get cards etc . she has never asked re his grandchildren either, )
it could explain a lot, if it is only blood related family members she recognises.

Maybe. But it sounds like she is a deeply unpleasant person, 'nerves' or not.

Your sil is bat shit crazy to overlook your dh adopted children, this says a lot about her tbh.

I have found the opposite OP, my water family (completely non biological) mean the world to me.
Having met blood relations similar to your sil, my conclusion is water can be much thicker than blood.
That's not nerves, its unfriendly, bad mannered, rude and selfish.
You sound lovely OP, is it possible to give her a wide berth?
I'd be taking her up on her request to never speak again tbh.

Erm, yes and no.

I think blood has so many other connections that it becomes thicker - history of relationship, interrelationships (lots of siblings, extended family, etc). My sisters and I react in similar ways to lots of things, we can have multiple conversations happening at the same time without getting lost etc. Can't do that with 'outsiders'. (Although DH is getting better at it!)

But the people you CHOOSE to be with, the people that you TRUST implicitly because they ALSO choose to be with you, I would say I'm very close to them too. But some of them don't have the multitudes of ties, or the history. So if you don't see them for awhile, you have no other interactions with them. You aren't brought up to date with their activities via other people. You don't necessarily care for the same people.

And your ILs. If you were to separate from your spouse, would you honestly remain in contact with your ex in-laws?

I would probably still keep in occasional contact with my PIL, but doubt I would see any of the BILs/SILs.

My XMIL was a nasty woman. There are two adopted children in the family but she always said they weren't family because they were adopted.

She was nasty about a lot of things.

I don't think blood is thicker than water. Not at all. I just think that people that are around during our childhoods are people that we bond with unconsciously, and it's easier to form deeper bonds that way.

Your SIL just sounds like a horrible person.

thank you for the replies.
it's a second marriage for me, and my dh's relationship with his sibling is maybe a ...happy xmas text...or birthday card, but pretty much nothing else through the year.

yet my sil from 1st marriage ,we have a relationship lasting 50 years and never a bad word, just love.

maybe it's since sil's dh has become financially ok, she seems to "look down" on dh, actually it's more like she thinks her s..t doesn't stink to be honest.

dh isn't interested in contacting her, says he is fed up with him the one who always phoned.text etc.

so, for sil to start on me, she has lost her brother, not that there was much there in all the 23 years we have been married.

so, no I wouldn't have any reason to be in touch with her.
my dh's brother is fine, we chat on the phone and spend the odd weekend together.
sil has no idea of my dc's names or dgc, even after 23 years with her db.

bottom line is...she ain't interested, only with her own.
wouldn't like to be in her head at all.

I say just leave her to it and try not to be involved with her. Leave her to fester in her own corner whilst you have a fabulous life surrounded by people you love.

She is not worth it.

As far as families are concerned...blood IS thicker than water. It is also messier and contains clots!

But toothpaste is thicker then blood and water. So I think the person you share toothpaste with wins.

It depends on your culture. There is a big taboo over adoption in South Korea because blood links are considered the most important thing ever. There was even an article about it recently somewhere.

I don't think it's clear cut. It mainly depends on cultural beliefs.

To me it seems abhorrent to reject additional members of family simply because you don't share DNA with them, but I also know that one of my parents point blank refused adoption when they didn't think they could have children, as they considered a blood link to be so important. I've got a step uncle who so obviously prefers his own family it's almost funny. He almost resents doing anything with us?

I don't think any one view is better or worse than another, and I think to say otherwise is arrogant. It's a personal view.

That said, choosing to be deeply unpleasant and shitty towards people for any reason when they haven't done anything against you is wrong, point blank and end of discussion.

People generally have the actual meaning of "blood is thicker than water" backwards.

It originally meant that the blood shed together on the battlefield (ie friends) is a stronger bond than the waters of the womb (ie family).