so warn down

[onanotherday]

Long story short exh left last few months before he went quite toxic. Obviously I was at fault for his unhappiness...blah blah. The fact he was an alcoholic and had BPD have no bearing on our problems!! I did stick in there, too long I'm ashamed to say. But thought we could turn it around...I know, lesson learnt.

But just feel crap today , 14 D's made mW cry, was rude and bulling...I know he has issues with anxiety and getting help for it but has no friends and is always by myside, don't mind this but just exhausting at times. My other son much easier..maybe its his age..but tried every approach in the book. At wits end, usually a quiet and loving, bright kid....but feel overwhelmed ATM. Thanks for listening.

My XH was an abusive alcoholic with possible BPD, you have my sympathies.

How are you feeling today onanotherday?

I hope sharing your problem with others, brings you some good response from MN. Best wishes.....

I don't know how old your other DC is but appreciate you must be run ragged trying to keep things as normal as possible. Do you have family close by, can your parents give you a break?

It's unsurprising DCs worry about what is going to happen to them and how their lives will be affected, in this case whether their parents will get back together or whether a divorce will happen. If your 14 y.o. is the eldest he may feel responsibility for now being the man of the house. That may manifest itself in trying to discipline his brother or standing up to you even more than teens do at this age, pushing boundaries.

Have you and he made up yet? Are you able to say what started the flare up? Did the DCs grow up seeing your H intimidate you verbally or physically? If ex didn't model appropriate behaviour then maybe DS thinks he has to be extra aggressive or confrontational when he is riled about something.

You say DS has no friends, so he doesn't have much by way of peer support. As you are the resident parent it's you who cops all the flak.

Are your DCs seeing much of their dad? Either or both may withdraw or act up in an effort to get your joint attention. Depending on their age when H's drink problem started they wouldn't necessarily know that his problem had nothing to do with their actions. Becoming aware their dad has a drink problem doesn't stop them loving him or worrying for him. I wonder how he talks about you when he sees them, if he is in a bad way when he sees them or badmouths you then that won't be a good influence.

I am sorry you were pushed to the limit today.