In comparison to many posts what I am about to say seems a bit trivial and then I feel guilty. Yet I still feel the need to express...might be cathartic... maybe.
I live with a romantic, sensitive and caring man. I am very lucky. I have been in abusive relationships...many in fact, and this is the complete opposite.
He was married for over 20 years before me to a woman with OCD. She had an affair and left him. One of her concerns about him was that he didn't do anything around the house and he has told me this to be true.
I also used to have OCD and I was much worse than his previous wife, I was very ill with it, she was more controlling and a perfectionist. I overcame it many years ago by letting go of my routines and being more flexible as well as learning the value of quality of life.
My OH now has routines. Some women would find this wonderful! He does the ironing, washing up, puts out the bins, changes the bedding, etc, etc. I shouldn't complain, should I?!
I know he does so much because he learned from his marriage break up but even though I do the housework (in a 'normal' way now) I feel lazy! He comes home from work, puts on more washing, does ironing, puts away his receipts. I try to tell him that quality of life is more important than ironing or making sure the dishes are done but he says he likes to get things done, then he can relax (which reminds me of my OCD days!). He says that if he doesn't do it, it won't get done, which does make me feel like I am not doing enough.
We are friends with his previous wife's parents (and they are lovely people) but they have admitted to me that when he was with his ex, they wouldn't get out the door till lunch time when on holiday and it was as much to do with my OH as his ex wife.
Despite all that I say to him and my encouragement to be flexible, I don't believe he will alter. I certainly will not return to my OCD days and do more than what I already do as I feel that is unhealthy.
I often think that I just need to accept his little routines because I love him but I do find it frustrating. There is often a joke about when a man and woman go to bed, the woman has to check doors are locked, take off their makeup, put on cream, etc, and the man just goes to bed! In my case, it is the other way around. No matter what time it is, he won't just fall into bed with exhaustion (like I do, don't even care sometimes if my clothes are still on, if I'm knackered, to bed I go!) he will have to clean his teeth thoroughly, brush his hair, etc, etc. The roles are reversed! This can have an effect on intimacy sometimes. I don't feel much like making love if he has spent his time folding up his clothes in a certain way!
I suppose what I am trying to find out is can love conquer all and lead to acceptance...maybe I am just moaning when I really shouldn't be.