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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dp doesn't make me happy anymore

18 replies

Manyproblemsinthishouse · 17/01/2015 11:54

I need some advice, I love dp so much, he is an amazing father and can make me laugh for hours on end sometimes.

But we argue nearly every day. He doesn't want to tidy because he doesn't care about mess, he won't polish/ clean because he doesn't see the point, he decides he's going out and that's the end of it but if I want to I must ask weeks in advance for the dc.
He is a fitness freak and is constantly tellin me to work out and telling me the flaws with my body - he often makes me cry an then tells me he's 'just looking out for me'
He makes decisions and doesn't consult me, e.g today he invited FIL round, the house is a mess I am in my pjs and he's just given me 10 mins warning. FIL will sit there and slag of my parenting ect and dp will say nothing.
I really do love him, but in all honestly just looking at him sometimes makes me so angry. He goes to work, I am on ML therefor in his mind he's does way more than me and that's enough.
I am still madly attracted to him and our sex life is great (tmi) but I just don't think he makes me happy anymore
I want to be with him if not for my sake then for DDs sake but I just don't know how I can.. Can someone offer perspective? I just feel so crap at the moment and sorry if this is jumbled.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 17/01/2015 12:00

You keep saying you love him but it sounds as though you're trying to convince yourself. .... Hmm Why would you love someone who is so selfish, insulting and operates such double standards? So he makes you laugh..... get a box set of Blackadder and dump this miserable bastard

GoatsDoRoam · 17/01/2015 12:04

You're not happy, and the thought of staying with him dismays you.

It sounds like it's time for you to end it.

(he sounds horrible, fwiw. I'm not surprised you're miserable. Go, and be happy.)

LadyBlaBlah · 17/01/2015 12:04

If a friend spoke to you the way he does, would you still love them as a friend?

gildedcage · 17/01/2015 12:07

Firstly how old is your son? Was he like this prior to your ds' s birth?

Has his attitude to you changed or was he always like this?

Sorry that's not any help but just trying to be clear about the position. I guess I sense that you are telling yourself that you should love him, and think that you're lucky to have him, but you aren't feeling it.

VinoTime · 17/01/2015 12:10

He sounds like a total pig.

Get shot, OP. You deserve so much better.

Original poster
Manyproblemsinthishouse · 17/01/2015 12:10

If he was just a friend I would have cut him out a long time ago.
She's 5 months, he got worse once she was born. I had a c section so couldn't do allot after and he was great . The minute he went back to work it all changed.

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 17/01/2015 12:46

And is kind enough to tell you all the flaws in your body five months after a CS? Nice Hmm

Lay down the law or think again. You do know this could get much worse? And don't fgs get pregnant.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 17/01/2015 13:00

Your partner should be your best friend. Just because you have a child together, it doesn't mean you have to tolerate poor treatment. That's how he's justifying it to himself. You don't have to collude with the abuse

Quitelikely · 17/01/2015 13:02

Does he know you're thinking about leaving? What did he say?

kaykayred · 17/01/2015 13:20

He sounds like a total piece of shit.

Finola1step · 17/01/2015 13:27
  1. He disrespects your body.
  2. He disrespects your home.
  3. He allows others to disrespect your parenting style in your own home.
  4. He disrespects your time.

And you love him because? If the sex wasn't good, would he still be around?

FolkGirl · 17/01/2015 13:37

You don't love him. That emotion you're experiencing is fear. All emotions feel the same, it's how we interpret them that's different.

You're scared of the unknown, you're fearful of jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire, you're fearful of what people will say, you're fearful of single parenthood, you're sad that it is isn't what you want it to be, younfeelna little desperate...

But you don't love him.

FolkGirl · 17/01/2015 13:39

If he was just a friend I would have cut him out a long time ago.

He isn't even a friend. You'd expect more from a friend than you do from him.

That's not love.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 17/01/2015 13:56

He sounds horrible. What do you actually love about him?

Original poster
Manyproblemsinthishouse · 17/01/2015 17:36

I guess I just feel comfortable with him.. we do have a laugh sometimes. I don't know how id even go about leaving.. I don't think he has a clue I think this

OP posts:
GoatsDoRoam · 18/01/2015 00:45

You have a laugh sometimes... That's not enough to sustain a relationship. That's not enough good to outweigh all the bad.

How do you think you'd go about leaving? What might the your first step?

GoatsDoRoam · 18/01/2015 00:45

*be.

GloopySoupy · 18/01/2015 11:05

I guess I just feel comfortable with him.
Doesn't sound comfortable to me.

I don't know how id even go about leaving
Find that out first, then decide if you want to do it. If the idea of leaving is too hard to contemplate, just tell yourself you are fact finding and it doesn't mean you have to leave.

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