My ex has always been very difficult with regard to the access arrangements we have for him to see our DD, who is 3.
I have persistent problems with his lateness and cancellations. He sees her one weekday evening and alternate weekends.
His lateness with regard to the weekday access got to the point where I told him that seeing as he was struggling so much to come and pick her up on time (he could be up to 1 or 2 hours late and unable to make her dinner etc) that I told him that I would drop it and will just stick to alternate weekends. Once I said this he started to come on time (this has been the case for the last couple of months).
We have also had ongoing issues with weekend access. Last year he went 12 weeks where he only had her once. He would often give me very short notice that he would not be able to take her. This effectively made it very difficult for me to make plans to go out etc and had to cancel countless plans. So with this I have laid down a strict alternate weekend plan which he was not happy about because he enjoyed the flexibility of being able to make last minute plans (ffs I get invited out to stuff too, but can't go if I have my DD - as a parent with responsibilities you just have to suck it up, right?).
It was planned this Christmas just gone that he would have her for 6 days to spend with him and his family. He let slip that out of these 6 days, he would be going on a jolly with his mates for 3 days and that DD would be staying with some members of the family she hardly knows. I told him this was not fair on DD and suggested he either cancels his jolly, doesn't leave her for so long or just has her for the 3 days. He opted for having her for 3 days. Anyway shortly before he left to go, he tells me he couldn't afford to take her and that 'there was no point as it was only for 3 days'. I felt very angry for my DD who was expecting to see her Dad over Christmas but also for myself as I would of liked the rest.
So since Christmas we have started the alternate weekend arrangement. I had last weekend off and fully expected to have this weekend with DD and next weekend off. However I got a phonecall from him this afternoon stating he would be round in about an hour to pick her up and that he would not be able to have her next weekend. I felt really put on the spot about it and agreed. But I didn't want this to go back to the situation it has been like for the last 3 years where he changes the set up all the time so I sent him an email basically saying, very politely, that the swap with this weekend with next has to be a one off but can we please respect the every other weekend thing. I really don't want him to think he can keep doing this. I gave him the dates of his weekends for the next couple of months and suggested he put them in his diary so he can refer to it when he is making plans.
Anyway he hasn't responded other than to say he is tired and wants to respond when he is 'calm and able to be respectful' which makes me think he is pissed off. I don't think I'm being unreasonable to request that we stick to an alternate weekend thing or that if he does want to swap that he gives me sufficient notice.
What is the best way to deal with him. I'm over talking face-to-face or on the phone with him because he just talks over me and tries to trip me up or goes on long tangents. I put it all down in email (as I also have the view that I could use them as evidence if I need to take legal advice in the future).
It is not too much to ask is it?