Husband left 12 days ago...

[Moominnn]

We were about to have Sunday lunch and h walked out. He has only said he needs time and everything has got on top of him. I am very confused and sad. He won't talk to me or anyone else. He is now on antidepressants and seeing a counsellor. Any advice?

So sorry this has happened to you. Someone wiser than me will be along soon.

Am not wiser, just wondered how you doing?

This sounds just terrible, are you concerned for his safety? It is good that he is seeing a counsellor if he won't talk to you, but how cruel of him -do you know where he is?

I'm sorry you've had such a nasty shock. If he's depressed but in receipt of treatment and not a risk to himself then you can't really do anything where he is concerned. Your priority has to be yourself and whoever else is left behind. Have you got friends or family you can talk to? Other support?

I don't really have any advice, but This happened to a friend of mine tho it was the wife that left. She basically had a breakdown. My friend was initially shocked and distressed, thinking she had left him. But realised eventually that it was life in general she couldn't cope with. He was then supportive in a practical way, making sure she got the healthcare and support she needed. They are now back together.

I hope he is able to talk to you in time. Make sure you get some support for yourself too.

Hi Op, sorry this must be hard for you. Where has he gone?

He's living in a empty house near his work about an hour away. Apart from the odd text and strained conversation I have no contact. I have two children 7 and 10 and it's hard for them. He is supposed to be taking the children to their swimming lesson tomorrow morning. He initially said I could come too be now he's not sure. He said he'd text to let me know but no text arrived.

How have things been between you this last year?

This sounds like a nightmare. When you say he is in an empty house do you mean he is squatting somewhere? Is he still going to work? (Just trying to gauge the extent of his 'breakdown') Are you taking care of yourself, managing to eat etc?

It's a empty rental house that his work have lent him. Yes he's still at work.

I'm not really coping that well, only sleep a couple of hours a night and the children are very upset. He doesn't seem to care that the children are upset which I find the worst.

He's on antidepressents and seeing a counselor so I guess that's something. He says everything has got to much for him.

I am trying to persuade him to go for couple's counseling too.

Everything may have got too much for him but it sounds like it's got too much for you and the children. He's got doctors and counsellors running about, a roof over his head, able to carry on with his work. Many should be so lucky. You and the DCs OTOH don't sound like you have any support (are friends and family doing anything for you?) so you need to get help for yourselves.

Given that he is the one that has opted out, any ideas like couples counselling should be coming from him. As he's showing zero interest in anything except himself, I don't think you're going to get him to agree to anything.

Agree with the previous posters. Whilst being sympathetic to the man you love, you need to look out for yourself and your children.

Is there an obvious trigger for the crisis? A recent bereavement or illness in the family? If you don't have a solution to what has triggered this the "Everything has got too much for him" may mean that something you don't know about has put him under extra pressure: debts? gambling? an affair?

Keep channels of communication open, but be aware that there may be some nasty shocks in this process for you. He may have been trying to protect himself and you from the fallout from something nasty and let pressures build up, but at the moment, he seems to still be managing to cope at work and to have somewhere to live - leaving you to handle the rest.