Unreasonable Behaviour in Divorce Petition

[Donatello68]

I haven't been brave enough to post before but, am at a loss and wondered if anyone had any ideas....

I am in the process of divorcing my emotionally abusive husband and have sent a letter with the grounds for the divorce to my solicitor. As he is pretty evil, I have only used very minor examples so as not to wind him up. My divorce solicitor says that it isn't enough. Are there any 'standard reasons' for unreasonable behaviour? She has suggested that I get him to say that he has had a one night stand but, I am pretty sure that he won't go for it.

Any suggestions gratefully received....

Tell the truth? Why are you worried about winding him up, are you concerned he would retaliate with repercussions?

No matter what reasons he doesn't like, you can still go ahead with the divorce. He doesn't need to approve of it. The worst that happens is a few more months of waiting and a bit more money, but the divorce will still move forward without his approval. So say whatever you want to say. If he was an ass that made you feel x,y,z when he did a,b,c, then say it. 6 reasons over the span of your marriage making sure something recent is in there.
Unreasonable behaviour as it was explained to me, is anything that I personally deem unreasonable that made that person unbearable to live with. If he is emotionally abusive, you could say how you had to walk on eggshells to not provoke his moods or how his sulking and withdrawing of affection make you feel isolated and lonely, or if you had children, how you constantly felt like you had to shield them from his outbursts or they had to hear the arguements, etc. Stuff like that that all EA do.

He is really volatile and spiteful to both my children and myself at the best of times. I am frightened of what he will do. He knows that I am going to divorce him but, the paperwork might send him over the edge.

My solicitor has put the following on the petition:

1. The Petitioner feels that there have been difficulties in the marriage for some time. The Respondent is frequently away from the family home due to his work, but when at home, the Petitioner finds him abusive and controlling. The Respondent will lose his temper and start shouting at the Petitioner and the children, over the most trivial things which leads them walking on eggshells as to how he will be when he comes home.
2. On 4.11.2014, the Petitioner had a day off from work, and went to collect the children from school, a little earlier than normal in order to pay some cheques into the bank for a client. When they arrived home the Respondent was home from work, and started shouting and swearing at her demanding to know where she had been as he knew she had not been at work. When the Petitioner explained why she had left early for the school run, the Respondent accused her of keeping secrets.
3. The Petitioner has on occasion felt humiliated and belittled by the Respondent in front of other people. In December 2013, the Petitioner booked a holiday for herself, which the Respondent then decided to come along on. Throughout the trip the Petitioner felt he sneered at her and belittled her to the other guests, the Petitioner could see how shocked other people on the holiday were with regard to his comments, and she felt embarrassed and worthless. The Petitioner's friends have also commented to her about the way he speaks to her in front of them.
4. On returning home on the 27.12.14 the Respondent told the Petitioner he had been to the opticians and had been diagnosed with early onset glaucoma and consequently he would lose his drivers licence and pilot's licence. He informed her he would keep his loss of licence insurance to buy himself a flat and would live on his pension and the Petitioner would have to make her own financial arrangements. The Petitioner spent the rest of the Christmas holiday extremely worried about how she could support herself and the children. The Respondent subsequently informed the Petitioner that he had had a follow up appointment, and there was nothing wrong with his eyesight. The Petitioner feels that the Respondent lied to her in order to cause her worry.
5. The Petitioner and Respondent have been sleeping in separate bedrooms and leading separate lives for over a year, and the Petitioner feels there is no future to the marriage.

But, has said that this may not be enough and I will need to give a more serious example. Any ideas?

I put in way less detail and no specific dates and mine was approved. It sounds like you have enough. Again, I was told that the judges pretty much rubber stamp the reasons and very very rarely not approve it.

If it helps, my stbx was able to agree the marriage was over but not for the reasons(his unreasonable behaviour)I stated, as far as he was/is concerned it's my fault

Thank you Sophrosyne and eeyoreandpooh! Your advice is much appreciated. I will ask my solicitor to go ahead with the petition as it is.

I had my first meeting with my solicitor today about starting my divorce process on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour.
I have been sent off with the job of pin pointing 6 things to put on my petition. When I have done so she will then re-write my points in a legal framework before checking with me about any changes I feel are needed.
My solicitor explained to me that the reasons don't have to be awful and that what one person may find acceptable another may find unreasonable.
As it is I sadly don't have to think hard to put together this list but like you I have concerns about not wanting to antagonise (different reasons as my STBXH was not abusive, well there is financial stuff but not of huge magnitude) him if I can help it.
The only thing I would say about yours is that several of the points seem to be around events that have happened either after separation or, if you haven't actually separated yet, in the year you have been living separate lives. I am sure these are all behaviours you have seen repeated over and over in the marriage, try and think of some that have taken place outside this past year.
What your solicitor is saying flies in the face of some of the things mine told me, it made sense to me that things you can accept within a marriage will be different from one person to the next and at the end of the day, the court doesn't really care about the ins and outs of the matter.

Thanks Smellslikehorses. My solicitor said that it has to be incidents occurring within the last 6 months. Apparently, any older than that and they would be seen as something that I would have accepted. Good luck with your petition Smellslikehorses!