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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to get XP out of my head after 2 years apart

5 replies

WebstersMother · 16/01/2015 19:13

XP ended our relationship 2 years ago. He just disappeared for 3 months and then rang to say it was over. I've not seen him for 2 years but hear he has a new partner and life is rosey for him.

I don't blame him for ending the relationhip of 6 years which hadn't been great for a long time, but wish he hadn't been so cowardly about it, leaving me phoning round to check he wasn't dead. Although I felt the way he ended things was unkind I wasn't distraught - no tears were shed. I didn't long for him to come back or anything like that ; was just hurt at the way he ended it.

Anyway, my life has moved on. I work, I'm busy and now have a good social life and life is generally good. I haven't had a relationship since - tried OD for quite a while, had lots of dates but didn't find anyone who appealed.

Why do I keep thinking about him? I don't think about the good times together or how I want him back (I absolutely don't) - more I think about him in his new life with his new partner.

I just want to get him out of my head. But how?

OP posts:
isseywithcats · 16/01/2015 19:21

im three years down the line from my ex husband and about to move in with my current partner but still ocassionally think about him its more you think what could have been if you hadnt split and how your life is different now that makes you wonder about exes

CogitoErgoSometimes · 16/01/2015 19:27

You'll keep thinking about him all the time your life feels like it lacks whatever it was he provided - however poorly. Chances are that some of the dates you rejected were because they didn't measure up to the (unrealistic) ideal of him you have in your head.

WebstersMother · 16/01/2015 20:56

I guess he'd enter my head less if I had a partner. I'm not actively looking but wouldn't be averse to someone wonderful entering my life...and my thoughts.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 16/01/2015 23:34

I think it's a common feeling, especially when a former partner hits a milestone like getting remarried or having a child, that you've been 'left behind'. On the snakes and ladders board of life, you feel like you're still at the bottom of the snake while they're charging up the next ladder. :)

It's not always a cue to go out and find a partner, of course. However, if your life is unsatisfying as it is, now's probably a good time to shake it up with something new.

WebstersMother · 17/01/2015 14:13

Thanks Cog Spot on as always.

I am shaking my life up by doing new things and meeting new people. Finding a partner isn't top of my priority list at the moment though Smile

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