Am I mad/unrealistic? (wedding budgets)

[kaykayred]

Just looking for a quick reality check really.

Basically I am having a bit of a mind melting moment about the cost of our wedding. We can afford it without struggling (for which I am very lucky), but I just can't get my head round it.

My fiancé has a big family, and it was important to him that they came (obviously!). So we do have between 70-80 people attending, which is quite a lot. Likewise, due to our families being spread throughout the EU, we decided to go for a London venue to make things much easier for our guests re: travelling and hotels, as everyone could get direct, budget flights.

I had secretly hoped that the wedding would cost around 10k, but had budgeted for 12k. Having just done a full run down of costs, the maximum we are looking at is 13k. To me this seems utterly insane, although that could get cut quite drastically depending on how much wine is left over, as corkage rates are pretty high. In fact, half of what we are spending is going on food and drink. Is that normal?????

Before anyone mentions the wedding industry machine, I have DIY'ed pretty much everything you can think of. Decoration (still more expensive than I had anticipated), Stationary, Table plans...everything! We're marrying off season. We got a big discount on the venue (which isn't like..the gherkin or anything insane). A school friend is doing the cake at cost. Our (very good) photographer a steal at less than 1k. Amazing colleague getting us the flowers at cost, and we aren't having a huge amount. I regret not getting a high street dress, but my dress is still less than 1500 including all alterations. I'm wearing shoes and jewellery I already own. Doing my own hair and make up. I'm pretty sure that we have cut every corner possible to cut given our circumstances.

Am I just being totally unrealistic to think it would have cost less? I do want to have a lovely wedding, and I don't regret we've gone down the traditional route..but I guess my tightwad side is just hyperventilating a little?

Food at 50% is potentially stingy, tbh. 50-75% is normal.

Your photographer is not a steal at nearly a grand. How often do you anticipate looking at your photos? Genuine question. Do you have lots of photos of yourselves up in your house, and do family? Definite savings to be made there.

£1500 is a fucking huge amount of money for a dress, honestly. I think you are on the wedding roundabout whether you recognise it or not!!

I reckon I could save you a grand just with those two areas and your wedding would be basically the same. There is more to find.

Things cost what they cost. If you want to spend less you have to make different choices. In a conversation the other day with a neighbour, we were having a mutual whinge how any project these days seems to involve '000s'. From a new fence to a modest birthday party, it's ridiculously easy to get into four figures.

Spend what you can afford

Just had a fairly basic one at a hotel, about 55 guests...12k. Too much money really but at least it was perfect for her (I just held my breath and screwed my eyes shut stuck my fingers in my ears and repeated 'It'll be worth it....It'll be worth it....It'll be...').

My wedding cost about 8k for 120 people, but wasn't in London and was 9 odd years ago. We also only paid for a drinks deal (something like 3 glasses of champagne/wine) so didn't have wine on the table. We also did our own decorations, didn't have an evening buffet etc. It doesn't sound like a surprising amount to be honest.

I got married 9 years ago. We had 60 guests for a sit down meal, followed by a buffet for everyone else. Posh car from the church to the reception. A disco in the evening. Cost us 6 grand. This was just outside of Birmingham.
Venues vary massively in the cost of the room and food. We shopped around a lot before choosing the one we used. I can't really comment about the cost of your wedding - it sounds cheap from what I've heard about weddings today! One thing we were talked into by the guy organising it at the venue was the amount of food at the buffet - we massively overcatered. I remember him saying "you'll need a buffet for x people," but I thought we wouldn't as the evening guests would have eaten before arriving, so there was piles of food left! So, with something like that, stand your ground and go with your instincts!
Are you having a professional photographer? Perhaps you could get a willing friend to do it. That will save hundreds.

Less than £1500 on a dress is a bargain? I'd rent one or buy one second hand.

First thing i would do is bin the photographer. Nominate a couple of friends with good cameras and a good eye to take photos of everyone and everything. Candid photos are so much nicer than posed ones, and you'll never look at them anyway.

Sorry just saw you are having a professional photographer. If I had my time again I'd get a friend to do it! A lot of people have good digital cameras now.

So you've budgeted for around 12 and it's come in at 13....

Either start cutting a few corners to reduce it by a grand or so or have what you want.

You make it sound a little as if you've done your personal stuff on a tight budget ....which it's not really is it??and then potentially miffed at the bill for food and drink....

IMO the dress and photographer are the only things to spend money on. I would absolutely not go with the friends option - the photos my friends took were awful, whereas our professional photos are amazing and nearly everyone who sees them on the wall comments on them. Plus I looked fantastic in my gorgeous dress. Apart from the marriage (all going well) the photos and the memories of looking amazing (captured by said photos) are what last.

I know it's all about the dress, but £1500 is a lot. That's one way. The second is the London venue. If they're coming in from the EU try Gatwick, Stansted or even B'ham. Venus etc in those areas can be significantly cheaper.

My DD's wedding was £8K (inc dress and veil) for 120 guests in Berkshire. London would have beent wice that at least.

*been twice

Yeah I was scandalised when my wife paid £750 for her wedding dress! Why? She's only worn it once!

Oh and the catering is important too

My london based photographer was £400 for the whole day and a photo booth with a disc of 600 good edited images. I made an album using a good quality photobook on photobox and included 365 photos. It was on special offer and cost me £75. People can't believe what I got for the price. PM me if you want her details.

I had a budget of 2000 euros for my dress. I didn't spend that but I would have if the dress I wanted cost that much. Never again in my life (probably) will I ever get to wear something so extravagant. I can't tell you how amazing my dress was - it was worth every cent.

Forgot to say - we've been to a number of really nice weddings in Kent/East Sussex all within easy striking distance of Gatwick.

Go for a video you can take stills off.

Breathe!
Our wedding was a loooong time ago (>20yrs) and it cost about 5K for everything - cake, clothes for him and me, honeymoon, invites, flowers, booze, food (sit down lunch for about 90 people, no evening do). I think the same would cost about 10k now, perhaps a bit more.

We did cut corners, and the biggest was the photographer. A friend took them, posing us all nicely, and they look fab (and I do look at them, still, sometimes!)

Your dress does sound pretty pricey, but it also sounds as if you've bought that now, so nothing to be saved there.

Get a friend to do the photos, remember that according to the BBC the average wedding now costs over 20k, take a deep breath, and enjoy your day.

I'd say 75% of my wedding budget was on food and drink. I was very tight on everything else - email invites, dress from ebay, bridesmaids dresses from high street, no favours, basic cake (jazzed up with ebay cake topper!). i did want guests to feel well looked after and good food and wine helps that.

I disagree when people say don't get a professional photographer. It's the one part of the day you keep forever - and your family keep forever. However, I don't think £1k is mates rates unless your mate is David Bailey.

A friend did my sisters wedding and they were a load of rubbish. It depends on how much you value photos.

you could try near another airport? Gatwick is very close to Sussex?

Personally - and this is very personal - I chose, for our wedding (which was on a budget a LOT tighter than yours - more 3k than 13!) to go for the things that will last. So we "splashed out" on rings and photographer as the most expensive things, because they were what we were going to "keep" from the day as well as the memories. Food and a big posh location (and hundreds of people) weren't important to us, so we had under 30 guests, a small meal, a buffet tea, and I got a wedding dress from Monsoon which was around £150.

I suppose it depends on priorities and whether or not you've had a "dream" of a wedding throughout your life. I'd never even thought about it, or all of the little extras. One of my bridesmaids was shocked when she found out that I'd not booked hair/make up for myself or my bridesmaids - but that simply hadn't occurred to me!

I think it seems fine. Yes, you could buy a cheaper dress and get friends to take photos. But it's equally fine to spend what you're spending, if those areas are important to you. I loved my dress so much. In retrospect it was probably expensive but I don't regret it.

Hope you have a lovely day. [confetti]

I would rather wave goodbye to a limb than spend that sum of money on a wedding. And I don't mean that to sound like I'm giving you a stern librarian look or anything, it's a very personal preference.

I'm not very wedding minded - it's not something that would ever be a deal breaker for me so the idea of spending thousands on one day just seems utterly ludicrous. Money is usually very tight in my house, so having played the part of the pauper for a good few years now I'm not sure I could ever justify the waste of such an amount, even if by some miracle I had it to spare in the future. I'm too careful now

But like I said - personal preference. If you want the big white it obviously comes at a cost.

The photographer is a complete rip off, imho. As a pp asked, how many times are you actually going to look at these photos? Do you have a friend or family member with a half decent camera who would be willing to take the wedding pictures for you? I'll be honest with you here. My best friend got married last summer and most of her photographer's photos were genuinely no better than mine - I took my mums fancy Nikon camera to the wedding with me and clicked away. I do have a good eye but I'm not a professional. My daughter was the flower girl so I wanted lots of pictures! Best friend soon asked me to email her every single picture I took that day and her wedding album is mainly made up of my photos. Don't misunderstand, the professional ones of the wedding party outside the church/venue were better staged/angled and the lighting was perfect, but as a guest I was able to take some really beautiful photo's - very natural, lots of laughing and just a better 'feel' of the day. Might be worth considering.

Your dress is an eye watering amount. Is it too late to back out now? You will wear it once. And then it'll be stuck it your wardrobe until you decide you can't cope with the clutter any more

You could easily save £2k by reconsidering the dress and photographer alone.