Dh has just broken down into floods of tears :( depression ?

[Zazzabeans]

Been with dh (33) 10+years , 3dc.
He is a lovely very laid back man, and it's very 50:50 in our relationship.
i have seen him cry only several times in the last 10 year.
So this morning, he told me he has been feeling very low and paranoid lately and can't put his finger on what is causing this.
He said he looks in the mirror and hates himself :( he also said he feels people are talking about him at work . He was literally sobbing his heart out.
I feel awful. I think he has depression.
He doesn't want to go to the dr about it and would rather not have medication.
This is heartbreaking for me as i love him so much and can't bear to see him cry.
Any advice?

I think people are socialised to view men crying negatively. It is an emotion every human can experience.
Regarding depression, it may be but you won't get any answers here.
Talk to him and see if he feels he needs to seek medical support.

"He doesn't want to go to the dr about it and would rather not have medication."

Tell him he has no choice about the first part. Not negotiable. If he won't make the appointment, tell him you'll call the GP to pay a house call. That serious.... be that firm. Depression is a horrible thing and I have every sympathy for sufferers but they are not entitled to refuse help and bring down a whole family as a consequence.

As for the second part, that's something he has to discuss with the GP if and when he gets a diagnosis.

Similar story here. I booked the appointment at the GP for DH myself as dh felt there was 'no point'. He'd always said he wouldn't consider medication but the GP was wonderful (according to dh) and he felt really understood.

Reading between the lines I think dh ended up opening up to the GP far more than he ever did to me and he did agree to try antidepressants. They changed his and our lives infinitely for the better.

I'm not saying medication is the answer. It's not for everybody. I am saying get your dh to the GP and let him have that discussion with a professional. Good luck to you both.

Your DH needs to go to the GP. Make the appointment and tell him you will go with him. Just with him, not in the room.
I know how he feels as I feel exactly the same and my DH is telling me to go to the Dr!!

He needs to go to the GP. I've just persuaded mine to go as he's depressed after losing his mum. It was hard, in the past he'd talked about how, despite all logic, those who have hard depression were at a disadvantage in the workplace

Anyway, I got him there by saying we were more important than work and if he didn't go, we weren't as good as we could be and he deserves to be happy again.

Thanks for all replies.
We have just had a really long chat about things, he said it's mainly when he is at work. Not sure if it is depression
To cut. Along story short, he has been working in a factory environment for last 18 month,he loves it , he works with lots of different men, some are loud and cocky, dh is rather quiet. Prior to this he worked in an office for a small family company, with one other lady for 14 year, she was awful to him. He was there from leaving school and was extremely loyal to them. They made him redundant 2 year ago.
I think the problem with dh is although he gets on well with the men, he is not used to it.
He said he feels worthless sometimes and feels like he blushes a lot at work. He doesn't contribute at work with new ideas etc like most people, I did say it's because everyone has been there longer than him.
It's not everyday he feels like this, maybe 2-3 times a week for a couple of hours.
I am just worried because in all the time I have been with dh he has never opened up like that.

Zazza - it sounds a bit like he's being bullied at work. The people doing it may not even intend to do so, but they are clearly undermining him and making him feel terrible about himself. I think it's very difficult for men to voice their feelings about behaviour like that, and testament to how strong your relationship is that he's been able to do so.

I realise that this may sound like an absolutely crazy suggestion - but how about going to martial arts classes together? You could even take the DC! I am not suggesting he turns into some karate-kicking hero who tackles these people physically, but the discipline and the sense of being able to protect yourself are really valuable in helping men feel confident in facing this kind of behaviour. The right groups can be very supportive environments, and are often full of guys who have faced physical and social intimidation in the past and transformed themselves!

I did martial arts myself for a while after I was kidnapped and assaulted (yes, really). I started because I thought it would help me to defend myself, but actually the real thing it gave me was my confidence back. It made me feel calm and whole again when I had been having lots of panic attacks and low moods, feeling like I wasn't a worthwhile person. I think it is the psychological, not the physical effect that is valuable.

Your poor dh, its hard going in somewhere when others have been there for years and know the place inside out like your dh did in his previous job. I think his confidence has taken a massive knock and the only solution is time (i think). The longer hes there the more confident he will become. Its good hes talking to you about it.

I asked him if he was being bullied, he said no and I believe him. From what he says about the lads on shift, they get on really well Niall have a laugh.
I'm not sure if he looks at some of the younger lads and feels a bit envious ? As to why they can speak up and be loud and he can't.
maybe it's a social anxiety? Anyhow I have made him appointment with gp for week after next to see if they can help, e actually didn't mind me insisting an appointment was necessary.

shove I Don't know what to say .
Think the martial arts sounds good but ds has cerebral palsy and would feel left out. He has tried it once before and just couldn't keep up with the class.

He has worked there for 21 month and he is only telling me about it just now.
He does say he thinks some of this may stem from when he got bullied as a child.
Can't believe its took 10year for him to open up about it.
He said he doesn't know why I'm with him. I told him when I look at him, all I see is perfection and I would rather he wasn't one of the loud gobby ones who thinks he knows it all. He is who he is and I love him for that.

Strangely enough this all sounds very positive to me. From shat you say it seems like he went from being bullied at school into a very toxic work environment where he kept his head down and just existed. Then he was released suddenly into a fun, friendly environment and he's overwhelmed with emotion. It's likely he's realising just how ground down he was all those hears and feels a sense of grief and loss.
I would encourage him to keep talking, especially about the bullying and explore with him the anxieties he has now. He is showing you immense love and trust by being so vulnerable around you and if you jump in there with him it's likely you'll both come out of it with a wonderful closeness and unity. Hold him, reassure him, build him back up. He's already very bravely started the process, he just needs support.

From what you say

Thanks for the insight :)
I hadn't looked at it that way.
I love the very bones of him and wouldn't want him to change for anything.
Really wish when he looked in the mirror he saw what I see.