Way forward

[blokespoke]

Hello ladies and gents. Been married to my wife 9 years and life is just one massive struggle. To say she is terrible with money is a massive understatement. She works part time I work full time and we have 3 small children. She wants a holiday and some home improvements so thinks a few days overtime will cover it all (during the summer holidays, abroad) a few days ot will make 500 quid tops. She has no concept of what things actually cost and we are constantly working and skint. I really think our lives would be better apart (if I paid all
My wages to the Csa I don't think I would be worse off) I am in debt from her spending and from bailing out her debt Nd at my wits end. Was hoping for views of blokes it ladies who have been in a similar position and parted conpany and how their lives are now.
Thanks everyone :-)

Is it disposed to its limit, or does she accrue debt every month?

About 1500 then every month it's all gone within 10 days and 20 days skint.

My total income every month is about £900. This includes the "housekeep" dp gives me out of of his wages. I sort out the rent/bills/shopping etc, and if there's anything left over, I treat myself to a night out/some new make up or whatever. Once in a blue moon, but we're not in debt, we have food, heat, tv, internet, and library cards so I'm pretty happy and certainly couldn't complain.

She is either a shopping addict and needs counselling, or she is very selfish. I could never live like this, with someone who for whatever reason is so financially irresponsible. I have no advice OP, just at your situation. Hopefully someone comes along soon that can help.

Also, one of the reasons my parents divorced was my mothers inability to handle money/mad spending (or at least what caused a lot of the fights that led to them falling out of love/her cheating).
Her new dp has the same attitude as her, so they are quite happily in a lot of debt that doesn't bother either of them much, bar the yearly realisation they are in the shit, being good for a fortnight then back to their old ways. My father is hardly ever stressed any more, hasn't been in debt since, and gets enjoyment out of spending his cash now and treating himself, in a way he couldn't with the black cloud of debt hanging over him. I think it did them both the world of good. And I thank god I take after my father where money is concerned.

Re-read the the thread and things for you seem even worse for it.

*My Dp keeps the rest of his wages for himself after housekeep. He has more disposable income than me because he earns a lot more, which is only fair. I made a list of how much bills/rent/shopping/(and when he came along added how much things for ds cost us every month, which we re-evaluate every so often, like when ds stopped wearing nappies). I total it up and he gives me half of this total. But he is really good about treating me to date nights/buying my drinks when we're out together and things.

Your wife is certainly taking the piss. You only have travel costs for yourself out of £1500? To get to and from work to earn money that she pisses away. Do you have any luxuries no matter how small? Going for a few pints with mates, a new dvd or book? And at the puppy, the more I think about it the more mental that seems.

No nothing. Literally I take 300 a month which covers it bang on. That is before the 1500 is left so the 1500 is after I've covered that

I disagree with wicked's take on individual finances within a family, but it's up to each couple to sort out what works for them. Point is, things aren't working for you, spoke.

I have a friend like this. She's one of the most beautiful women I've ever met. She is witty, intelligent and has a high-powered job that requires insight & subtlety. She has a massive blind spot (to put it very kindly) around money and is heading towards her fourth marriage. She does find men who share her unspoken view that men should fund women's pleasures, but she is basically insatiable.

Before you divorce, perhaps you should take the obvious step of removing a lot more than £300 from the joint account. Tell her, but put it in an account she can't touch. See if anything improves. Or have you already done this? If not, why?

Tried that. Then ended up dipping into it when we ran out. Oh well. Thanks for your comments everyone :-)

You mention three DCs in your OP blokespoke. What happens about their needs, clothes, toys, activities, etc?

To answer your specific question, it didn't work out for me and my exH. Our different attitudes to money drove a massive wedge between us and added to an increasing list of problems that finished off the marriage completely. Nothing whatsoever was effective against his idea that spending as he saw fit was a basic Human Right and that ideas like budgeting or cutting back were an infringement of his Civil Liberties.

'When money goes out of the door, love flies out of the window' is very true.

Cogito I'm in exactly the same boat "it's my money too why can't I spend it". Ok thanks everyone :-)

TBH I would end the relationship, I would not be prepared to live like that. I would be worried about unknown debts and credit cards occurring etc.